This Memorial Box Monday is going to be a bit different. I’m going to share a future Memorial Box Monday story….because it’s just in the making and hasn’t yet been completed. It’s from my heart and it’s kind of long, so grab a cup of coffee as I share some thoughts and make myself completely vulnerable.As I process life I realize that people are much more alike than they really are different, and maybe my struggles, trials and even triumphs will minister to someone else out there – one of you, my sweet bloggy friends. So at the risk of being completely vulnerable….here goes….
As most of you know my childhood was filled with much pain and abuse. Many of you have had similar childhoods, I know. Growing up I was a very fearful girl – I would actually describe it as intensely fearful. There was abuse and pain and life was not very easy. Not one bit easy actually. I cried many, many days. I remember one birthday asking my mom if she thought I would ever have a birthday that was not filled with pain and tears. I don’t remember her reply, but I just know that I longed for carefree days, not days filled with just the idea of survival.
From that day in the Spring of 1981 I rejoiced in my freedom from fear, and guarded it carefully. Once you know the chains of fear, you want to guard your freedom in Christ with all ya’ got. When opportunities for fear would arise I would have to go back to that day in the Spring of 1981 when my Miracle-working, Mountain-moving, Awe-inspiring, Gasp-giving God had set me free and remind the enemy that I was free and I was not going back to being a slave to fear – not now and not ever!! Don’t get me wrong – the opportunities were many: the tornado, the mountain lion, the shark, the robbery and the stalker – just for starters!! (Some of these things are future Memorial Box Monday stories – stay tuned!!) But thru all of them I refused to be a slave of fear again.
I have found that the enemy knows our weakness. Fear had been mine. I was onto his antics and I was not going to let him win. Ever. I had a rock-solid relationship with Jesus. It was good.
Anyway.
Fast forward to about 15 months ago. I was given a wonderful surprise – a cruise to Alaska with my mom and her friend Linda. We had a blast!! It was refreshing, to say the least!! I loved it and pray that one day I can take my hubby to the most gorgeous place I have ever been!!
The cruise was delightful, I’ve never done anything like it before – a mom of many with no responsibilities for a week? Wow!! Such a gift from the Lord……eventually I couldn’t wait to get home to my family….but no amount of refreshment or relaxation could have prepared me for the flight home. (I wrote about it here.) Suffice it to say, that the Lord had warned me that it was going to be “a disaster”. In the midst I began to think that the warning from the Lord actually meant that we were going to crash but I was going to live to tell about it. It was that horrible. No exaggeration.
Once upon a time I had thought if I was younger that I would like to be a flight attendant, but yeah, after that flight – scratch that crazy idea!! It turns out that there had been tornados in the Salt Lake City area and after two attempts at landing and the plane pitching and thrashing about the sky, people gasping and crying out, I finally turned on my cell and texted Dw and a few friends to pray. It was a miracle – a true miracle – that the Lord (and only the Lord) landed that plane on the 3rd attempt.
I didn’t want to get on the last leg home. I debated renting a car to drive the rest of the way. I was filled with fear. I was shaken to my core (but gracious me (!) – so was the flight attendant!!) I prayed with Dw from Salt Lake and eventually I was able to get on the last flight and arrive at home. But I was terrified. I battled fear like I had never battled it! I prayed. I had some nightmares. I went back to the scripture that set me free in 1981. But truthfully, I had to pray, memorize and meditate on God’s word to even think of flying to Africa three months later.
As many know, the trip to Africa went well. There was some turbulence on one of the long flights and I had to pray intensely. But all in all, the flights were good. The fear of flying passed. Thank you Jesus!
But then, the Fire happened. Yes, the fire. And somewhere between Dw being out of town, the kids and I all sleeping when the smoke alarm woke me and the house with it’s contents being destroyed – my life changed. I now wrestled with fear like I had when I was a girl. Again. And I was stinkin’ mad. Mad that fear was, once again, part of my life. I’m just being honest sweet friends. The fear has been overwhelming at times.
In the midst of begging the Lord for victory over this, Aimee Powell (Third Day’s Mac’s wife) wrote me and sent the Third Day loot. Remember I just wrote about it? And in the pile of goodies I found the song, My Hope is You. I L-O-V-E that song!! And Aimee and Mac – Unbelievable how the Lord has used that song in my life!! HUGELY. Hence, you guys have had an enormous part in my having the courage to fly to Ch*na. (Thank you, thank you, thank you and I can’t wait to hug your neck in person!!) My Hope is You has become my theme song. I well with tears everytime I sing it (which is all the time). It is the first song on my playlist. Yes, HE IS MY HOPE and because He alone is my hope so I can face this fear.
To you, O Lord, I lift my soul
Lyrics by Mac Powell & Music by Third Day
Which brings me to today. On Friday Emma and I leave for Ch*na. And as the excitement wells, I am ever aware of the fears that want to paralyze me……Fears like: flying, flying on the commuter plane that will get me to California, snow and ice on runways, snow and ice on wings of plane. And then there’s the fear of leaving my family. Fear of them sleeping (when a fire could potentially break out and me not be here for them.) Fear of Ch*na. Fear. Fear. Fear.
Fear isn’t always rational. It moves about stealing joy, stealing peace and stealing sleep. I am well aware of all of it. I’m memorizing more scriptures. I’m meditating on them. I’m praying. And yes, I sing My Hope is You to remind me.
So here’s where the Memorial Box Monday part comes in. A counselor/friend asked (after hearing about the fear stuff) if I thought maybe Dw should go to get Jubilee? I said I refuse to give in to the fear. I stinkin’ refuse. I never was afraid to fly (except right after that horrific flight last August), and I’m not about to start caving to fear now. I WILL NOT!!My sweet bloggy friend, Scrappy Quilter, and I correspond quite a bit (she is such a tremendous blessing to me). Although I have never met this precious friend in person, we share life and we share prayer requests. I wrote to her recently and told her about the fear. I know she immediately started praying, cause I immediately sensed a peace “that passed understanding.” Prayer works. Prayer moves mountains.
And so maybe some of you would want to play a part in this Memorial Box story. Would you pray for me as we fly to and fly and inside Ch*na? Would you pray as we are there and pray as we fly home? Would you pray for my family as they are home here without me? And then there will be something I put in our Memorial Box that symbolizes all of you praying and the victory that the Lord gave.
Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together.I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fearsThose who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
Psalm 34:3-7
What a dear blessed privilege to be praying for you my friend!
Robbie
Oh sister, I can guarantee I'll be praying for you!!! Hallelujah, the Lord wants you to be free even more than you want to be free, and He's going to do it!!! I'm rejoicing with you for that future post on being fear free.
I can't wait for you to meet your sweet Jubilee girl and to wrap your arms around her. All fear will be gone and the angels will be singing in that moment. What a time it will be!!! I'm so happy for you.
Go with God and go in Peace. The Lord, just this moment, spoke this scripture to me for you…
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.(!) I hear that with an exclamation mark by the way:O)
Rejoicing with you my friend,
Jenn
You can count on my prayers going up for you, for safe flights and a safe return home, and for your family while you are away!!
I KNOW this is a Memorial Box Monday in the making… may He be glorified!!
P.S. I LOVE me some Third Day, too 🙂
somehow you always manage to make my eyes tear up when i read your posts. absolutely i will pray for you! have a wonderful, wonderful trip – enjoy your time with Emma and of course your time w/ precious little Jubilee! Can't wait to follow your journey!
I really needed to hear that today!! God will bless your journey.
I would be honored if you would pray for unspoken request for me as well!!
Linny, I will pray for you. This is a very selfish statement. The reason I will pray and pray ad infinium is because I NEED you. I NEED you to be safe from harm. I NEED you in my life. You are my inspiration and hope. Thank you for being there for me.
I will for sure be praying ! You didnt even have to ask. God will give you peace I know he will. When we went to GT to get our precious son I prayed for peace because I was so afraid of flying but he did more than that I actually enjoyed the flight!! It was all God.
I will be praying!!!!
I count it an honor to join the knee-team for the Saunders family!
Will be praying, was on that flight to Ch*na twice and it gives plenty of time for prayer.
Will be praying and reading your blog, cast off the fear and bring that child home!!! You are a brave mama! God will see to it!
I will absolutely be praying for you and Emma– for safe, smooth flights, for peaceful minds and spirits, for freedom for fear, and for eyes and hearts that are focused on the prize of bringing your sweet girlie home!
You know dear friend, I will be praying until you are back on American soil and then continue to pray long afterward for the many changes coming. Love ya
I will be praying my friend! Praying you there and back and in the inbetween…. We are going to have a huge celebration!!!!
Love you! Cheremi
I will most definitely be praying for you! And I'm just so excited that it's actually close enough that you can be worrying about it! (I hope that came out right)
I'm in! I will be praying for you! I have fears too, so I totally understand!
Praying, praying, praying…for safe travels, for a sweet meeting with little Jubilee, for paperwork ease…
Linny,
Thank you for your honesty, and your "straight from the heart" post. And especially thank you for honoring us with your prayer request. Of course we will be praying for you, for your family, for Jubilee, for everything that you do, see, taste, touch and smell. The Lord will go with you, before you and behind you. He will cover you in His mighty wings and hold you. He knows your fears, and He died to set you free from them. You are free to live your life without fear!
Love you,
Alycia
You bet!
Praying!
Praying, Linny!
Beth Moore came up with a great acronym for fear:
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
That's all fear is! I battle it too, and I will be praying you to China and back and for all your loved ones back home…
Love,
Laine
I will be praying for you on your trip. Can you possibly let us know the approximate times of your flights so we can make sure we are interceding while you are in the air.
Of course I will be praying my sweet friend!! I totally agree with Ashley above- if you can let us know of times and stuff we will have you blanketed in prayer!! ((hugs)) You are doing the right thing- laying this at the feet of our Savior and not letting Satan have control! Our pastor spoke yesterday about joy- and how we can let fear rob us of our joy. I'm so glad you're not letting Satan take away the joy of going to get your baby girl.
On another note, I am soooo stinking excited that you guys are going!!!! After the tremendous amount of time you have waited to go get your little girl, I can't believe the time is here!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂
Of Course. At times, when I was afraid as a child I had a little plaque of my grandmothers with a bible verse on it that I clung to. My mom laughed at me, but reassurance is personal.
I too am terrified of flying. Once I woke up sitting straight up and completely terrified. I knew my brother, taking a plane that day would be in it when it crashed. I was hysterical, crying, trying to find a way to reach him. Overcome, I fell back to bed and prayed hard until I fell asleep exhausted. His plane did crash. But not badly, he was ok, as were most of the people on the plane. When I went to china the first time, I overcame my fear because my desire to see china was so great. The second time, my desire to get to my daughter was so great. In China, our bus crashed into a motorcycle, there was an earthquake. I have learned how to shut down the fear, rationalize and decide to move ahead. How to really put it in God's hands and step forward.
For you – the gift of Gods hands and all our prayers to take you safely to China and back. A Jubilee morning.
Oh Jesus once again we are so dependent on you. I don't even understand flight, but Father you do and that's what matters. I am so excited for Linny and Emma to see your glory thru these flights. Lord to once again blow them again as you move mountains. In Jesus name. Amen
I will be praying during your whole trip. As George Mueller said, "It is not enough for the believer to begin to pray, nor to pray correctly; nor is it enough to continue for a time to pray. We must patiently, believingly, continue in prayer until we obtain an answer."
I will pray for God's protection and that you have a blessed, fear free trip.
Christy
Oh, Linny, I'm a white-knuckled flyer myself. I joke that God had our first adoption in Guatemala because He knew I couldn't handle more than a 3 1/2 hour flight. I'm proud of you for refusing to let fear rob you of those precious first moments with Jubilee. I will certainly be praying as you travel and throughout your entire trip.
I'd love to know what scripture in particular helped set you free from fear. (I also LOVE Third Day's "My Hope Is In You.") The son we are adopting has had rough beginning and is very fearful. We are living in a hotel room till we can come home (please pray that it's before Christmas!), and each night he pushes furniture up against the door to keep us safe. It breaks my heart.
I'll continue to pray for peace and safety throughout your trip.
Much Love,
Kathie (in Guatemala)
Fear is definitely a tool of the adversary designed to cripple us. Be brave and find peace and comfort in your faith. Prayers for your safe trip from AZ. So excited for you!
I will pray for you (I always have, but more now)! That verse is so true. Things have been very hard in my life recently, but even though this is the hardest thing I've gone through, I've been trusting in God, even when I've been tempted to be afraid. It's funny, I was at church on sunday and many people told me that I looked "radiant" or that I just "glowed". Ha! Of all the times! So God.
I pray that you will glow from the inside out with no trace of fear.
so, so thankful to pray specifically for these things. SO happy for you. and i'm ridiculously excited for Emma!
it's almost time!! =)
I am picturing that God has a gift for you, Linny. I am praying that you can just open your hands, let go of your fear, and receive His peace. He just gives the best gifts, doesn't He?!!
Praying you over there and back, as you bring your sweet Jubilee home!
I had no idea you had a childhood full of fear. I am so sorry to hear about that.
Fear can take over your whole well being, and somehow you have to let go of it. I know all to well how hard it is to do, for I am battling it myself right now, except mine is Health wise.
Prayer does work!!!I honestly believe I would not be here today if I had not said a long prayer on November 6th when things went seriously wrong during a heart procedure.
I will be praying for you and I cannot wait for you to see Miss Jubilee and for her to meet her sweet and loving Mommy and Big Sister.
You will be fine. God will be watching over you at all times!
Love,
Sheila
Praying for you Linny. One of the things I do when I fly is pray and picture God's hand under the plane. The image of him literally holding the whole plane in his hand has brought great comfort and peace to me.
Hugs and prayers,
Ann Marie
Of course I will!!
I have battled fear more this year than any other in my life. Thankfully after intense days of seeking the Lord (jer. 29:13) I feel I have been delivered. There have been times when it has tried to come back. Again, thankfully I have been able to knock it out in Jesus' name.
It would be an honor to pray for you. Do you have some kind of itenerary (sp?) so we know what you are doing and how to pray?
I know you know this, but we are all rejoicing with you in bringing home Jubilee. It is truly a miracle!!! Thank you Jesus!!!
CM
Oh sweet bloggy sister –
Yes, we will be praying for you all during all of those times! I share your fear of fear and have to go to Jesus often about it. God bless your journey to Jubilee to China and back and everything in between. How I wish we were going at this time with you to bring home our beautiful Eli, but I know our time is coming soon! So happy your time is here!!
Have a Blessed and Merry Christmas season free from fear.
Love,
Janet, Kevin, Ted, Philip, and waiting for our Eli
Linny, once again you've put me in tears for sharing your heart so completely and your encouragement from the Lord so beautifully. I too, have been paralyzed by fears, esp. recently. It seems to be a family heirloom around here – passed down generation to generation. I already see it in my children and I HATE it! But I don't know how to conquer it. I just asked my hubby last night, "how do you not worry???" And he just shrugged and replied "Worrying won't change anything." Well, yeah, I know that in my head – but I can't get it to work in my heart!! Thanks so much for sharing this verse – I'm going to tack it up in my room and maybe other places in the house too!! And you can be sure I'll be praying for you and Emma and Jubilee and your family here in the States. Thanks so much. Hugs to you…
OH sweet VT, that prayer for all you have requested has already began. I am going to be holding one hand in spirit and Christ the other!!! It is going to be a great adventure in the year of Jubilee!!!!
Oh, sweetheart! I was gonna pray ANYWAY! 🙂 Now I just know HOW to pray specifically! Fear is a bugger, isn't it? It is basically the OPPOSITE of trust! I will be lifting it all up to our Father, for peace, for safety, for assurance. I cannot WAIT to hear of the amazing journey to Jubilee. Are you going to be able to visit Lynsay and Bill while you are there? If so…would you please gently hug Josiah for me? You can hug the rest, too! But that little baby has broken me, as it should be. PURE RELIGION!!!!
Love and hugs…Nancy in CT
Absolutely, I will pray for you. Always.
Silly girl, you didn't even need to ask. You and your family are always in my prayers. And I've been praying steadily for the upcoming trip. I've been praying for sweet Jubilee too.
I'll bump up the prayers on Friday, though!
So close, friend. Love ya!
Praying up here in WY.
You and Emma and Jubilee will be in my heart and prayers.
I always picture myself "closer to Jesus" when I'm 30,000 feet up in the air (not my favorite either), with his hand under my plane 🙂
Love, Barb
I'll be lifting you in prayer!
My husband and I will continue to pray! It is such a blessing to see God at work and be able to lift you up to the Father!
Thank you for being so vulnerable, sweet Linny. KNOW that I will be praying you there and back!!! Fear is just an awful, awful thing. I hate it to. I posted about fear yesterday too–my fear of adopting Hailee, my fears of whether I can even parent a down syndrome child. Fear just gripped my heart. So not God!!!
Standing with you, dear friend.
praying for your peace and rejoicing that you have travels ahead of you. thankful that you have this blog so we can all pray for you and can't wait til we are welcoming miss jubilee to her forever home 🙂
I am adding my prayers, Linny for your trip and for the fears that have come back. Fear has tried to control my life for so long and I really understood what you are saying. God is using you in a mighty way and your family too. The Message says this in Isaiah 41:10
"Do not panic, I am with you. There is no need to fear for I am your God. I will give you strength, I will help you.I will hold you steady. I will keep a firm grip on you!"
He is holding a firm grip on you, and your entire family Linny. Rest in that knowledge.
God bless
Renee
http://www.myautumnyears.blogspot.com
Will be praying for you all the way. May you walk boldly and speak with out words to those in China of the strength of your Lord and Savior Jesus.May the Chinese see Jesus in you because of your trust and faith in Him… May you be covered by a blanket of PEACE on the whole trip and home with your Jubilee. Celebrate!
blessings
Dawn
in OR.
Oh, I will be praying!!
Your post made me cry AGAIN! You put into words the fear my husband and my son have of the "unknown" They hate to fly and really dont like to be away from home and the safety of it. They completely freak out over going on vacation. Nothing horrible has happened to them but they have this anxiety and fear of the unknown and anything new. Hopefully I will be going to Mongolia in the spring with our youth pastor and I feel really strongly that Isaac is supposed to go too. Your post has given me insight into how I should be praying for him!!
Thank you !!! Sheri
Oh Linny, thank you so much for allowing us the priviledge of praying for you and your sweet family. I am SO EXCITED for you guys that the time is finally here for you to go bring your sweet Jubilee home!! I just can't wait until you get back and share all the stories of your travels with us! I will certainly be praying for all of you.
A couple of months ago, when Ch*na first revoked your approval to go get Jubilee, I posted a prayer request for you on my blog. I will be so excited to post another prayer request for you, this time letting everyone know Jesus has answered our prayers and Jubilee is coming home!
Much love to you all, friend.
Prayin'!!!
I'm praying sister.
Of course I'll pray!!
You will be in my prayers each and everyday beginning today. Will you also pray for the Christmas Miracle we are trying to pull off? I so wish your story about Elijah and Elizabeth could be part of it but I understnad the timing for you is wayyyyy off 🙂 If only I could copy and paste from your blog with permission of course!!!!
Safe journey to all!
I send love and prayers and can't wait to see Jubilee right where she belongs!
ah yes Linny. Praying as you gather in your Jubilee.
God has been prompting me to pray for you guys over the last few weeks so I was SO excited to hear this recent news!!
Will definitley be praying for you all in the next week or so too. What an exciting time!
x
Reading this gave me chills, brought tears, and led me to thank God for your blog. I'll be praying.
Praying for you!!
As I was reading your post, the Lord brought to my mind that in the Bible the Year of Jubilee was a year of freedom and restoration.
I'll be praying that as you go get your precious Jubilee, the Lord will give you freedom from fear and restoration of peace!
So excited for you!
Count me in as well.
I am praying for you! And I am going to email you a story of my fear of the flight to and from China, how Satan tried his best to terrify me, and how God whipped his butt. : )
Hey Linny- I am so keeping you in my prayers throughout your travels. I certainly understand your fears since I have a few myself.
God Bless you sweet friend!
Jean
I can hardly wait to see pics of you and Emma Joy with Jubilee!!
Absolutely joining so many others in covering your entire trip in prayer.
SO excited for all of you!
Oh sweet friend, count me in with the many who will be praying you all the way to China and back, safely. Fearlessly. Trusting Him, and "stinkin' refusing" to give in to fear.
You can do it Linny. Stomp on the head of fear, knowing that we are stomping with you. Big time.
Jubilee's time has finally come! Oh Lord how we rejoice that this little bird has finally been set free to fly home with her mama, and her Emma! Keep them all safely under your wing dear Lord. Be with Dwight and the rest as they wait. Father I pray safety, and health, and a huge hedge of protection over this household, and over Linny and Emma as they travel. Prepare sweet Jubilee Promise's heart, Lord. Bring peace to the hearts of all, during this time of transition. Be in the details Lord, and I ask You again to prepare the way! In Jesus name, Amen!
Praying for your Ty too, and for sweet Sarah, as she waits his safe return, along with the rest of you . . . Abby and Ryan as well!
Love you, love you, love you, friend. Go to China in peace, the peace that only He can give!! The peace that passeth all understanding! Yeah, that kinda peace!
Love,
Tina ~ xo
As I sit here wiping my tears away, I'm struck once again how satan wants to keep us isolated in our fear and terror. I'm going to out myself here. I've had 2 full blown panic attacks this week and one semi-panic attack last night. My husband is about to be laid off, with no other job in sight. We have $50 to our name and bills due. We've been praying, fasting, trying to trust….but the fear is like a suffocating wave that sweeps over me. I will share that God keeps telling us to Stand Still and see His salvation, but facing that sea it's hard not to panic. As I pray for myself, I will be lifting you up in this joyous time in your life of bringing Jubilee home!
Am praying!!
Linny, check your e-mail. Hugs
You don't even have to ask, we always are! All our love and prayers to you.
I will certainly be praying for you and for your family and for your sweet, sweet Jubilee as she waits for her Mama and big sister to come to bring her home!!!
Dearest Linny, I love that Carol is your prayer warrior for she is mine as well…love that about her. I too struggle with flying and read the entire time to avoid thinking about what i"m doing. I'll be praying for you my sister. Interesting note-lately I've been battling with feeling numb spiritually and I believe this too is one of the enemy's tactics. Bless you dear one.
Love, hugs and prayers.
Noreen
We will be praying for your family, for you and Emma, and for sweet Jubilee Promise until you are together again on American soil. Can't wait to see the "gotcha" pictures! Praying for peace and smooth travels!
Hugs,
Robin
PRAYING! Excited about "meeting"this child who I have prayed for !
Praying!!