Something is on my heart that I need to share. We’ll be back next week with another Memorial Box Monday. I’m sorry for any inconvenience.

I’ve gotten literally dozens and dozens and dozens of letters from women asking something like this: What if my husband isn’t into adoption? or What if my husband doesn’t want anymore kids? or What if my husband thinks that we have enough kids but I feel God tugging my heart to adopt? All of the letters seem to close with this: Would you please pray for me? Would you pray for him? Would you pray for us? {I’ve even had some letters from husbands who ask me to pray for them because their wife just doesn’t want to adopt.}

I have asked Dw to write a guest post in the days ahead {I know you guys love him!} about the calling on men to lead out for the orphan. But while we wait on that, I felt I needed to address the issue for women who are waiting. Women who are longing to adopt or longing to adopt more but their husband is not willing. {Someday I would love to talk about why it seems that women are leading in many arenas for the orphan, but that’s for another day.}

Anyway, here’s some thoughts on what to do if he’s just not interested: First – God’s heart is for the orphan. It is not a matter of “praying God’s will”….His will is that there would be not one orphan in the world!! So you don’t have to worry about praying to see if it is God’s will. In fact that idea reminds me of the Good Samaritan. The Good Samaritan didn’t stop and say, “Hmmm, let me think about this. In fact I think I better spend some time in prayer, I need to see if it’s God’s will to help this man lying in the street dying.” No! He just met the need. He showed his faith by his action!

I do not think God says “here is this need {orphans} now you pray about whether I want you to do anything.” Not a chance. He says,

“See the need! Now what are you going to do about it?”

So the first thing I would say is start praying that God would soften your husband’s heart. Find a prayer partner who also has a heart for the orphan and ask them to pray with you, agreeing together for your husband’s heart to be moved/softened/changed.

Then I would begin to fast. I would fast regularly. Serious fasting. The kind that makes your belly hurt with hunger!! =) {If you seriously cannot fast for medical reasons, then I would give up something you love – chocolate, soda, chips, snacks, coffee….something that you love, love, love. I would give it up for a long period of time.
In fact can I “lay down some smack” for a minute? Forgive me, but I am pretty black and white on fasting. If you cannot fast for medical reasons, you can certainly give up chocolate {or your favorite treat} for a longer period of time than a person fasting from all food. Your commitment to giving up food or drink is your way of saying, “God I’m serious about this….I really, really want to see you move.” Giving up Pepsi with your lunch for a day hardly seems to count as fasting or sacrificial, ya’ know I mean? In fact scripture says in Matthew 6: When you fast….it doesn’t say “if” but “when”….it’s a given…..
I would fast often!! I know a young woman who is fasting once a week begging God to move on her husband’s heart. I would spend my time while I was supposed to be eating {and preparing the meal} in earnest prayer. I would ask God to move the mountains in my husband’s heart.
While fasting, I would do a serious gut-check. I am feeling that someone reading this needs to hear this, so here goes: Husbands are watching your response to the kids you have. If you are a chronic complainer about how the kids are “driving you nuts”…..your husband is not going to be thinking that you need to be bringing home any kids that will certainly “drive you even more nuts”. So for a gut-check….are you a chronic complainer about your kids, about your housework, about cleaning, cooking, messes left by the kids you do have? Is your home a disaster? Time to repent and ask God to make your heart a heart of thankfulness!!

Then start playing the thankful game. Play it all day. Memorize verses on thankfulness. Post verses around the house about thankfulness and beg God to break your complaining spirit and give you a true spirit of thankfulness. {It is His will that we all be thankful in all things, at all times!}

“In everything give thanks for this is the
will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” I Thes. 5:18

At the same time I would begin to post at least one picture of some orphans on your fridge. If you are brave, post more around your home. And start to pray for those kids needing families. Then at meal times I would include praying for the orphan in your meal time prayers. Get your kids involved share with them the needs around the world. Google some orphanages or click on the sidebar {down near the bottom} under “Special Places” Bill & Lynsay {China} or Bernie & Bennett {India}. Start praying for the children in their care. Your family will never be the same again. There is something miraculous that happens when we pray for a need!! God begins to change hearts, soften stubbornness and move mountains!!

Then I would see what you can do now for the orphan. A missions trip? Better yet: A family missions trip. Or a missions trip for you and your husband. How about a fundraiser for someone who is adopting? Helping with a fundraiser for someone who is adopting?? Do something! God is a creative God. He will give you ideas on how to help the orphans. Even start an adoption ministry at your church! Your husband will see your heart for the orphan…not just hearing about how much you care for the orphan, but watching you doing something!! Men are very visual! =) Do something!

Lastly, do not waste your time moaning and groaning about your husband not wanting to adopt! Get busy!! Care for the orphans from where you are.

How long will it take? I have absolutely no clue!! I have to say, it seems that God moves on some things very quickly. I know that other times, we must persevere in prayer {and fasting}. This could be one of those times when perseverance is a necessity – and if that be the case – wear your carpet out from being on your knees.

Some might say, “Is this manipulation?” I say, “Absolutely not!” God made women as influencers….we can either influence for good or for evil. I choose good. Loving and caring for the orphan is good!

And by the way….Never, Never, Ever, Ever tell your husband of your covert strategy! That would put pressure on him from you. No need to do that. Let the Holy Spirit gently move on your husband’s heart. It’s way more fun that way!!

If you are single and you want to or wish you could adopt, but aren’t sure what God thinks of a single adopting….then you will love reading this.

And if your family isn’t into adoption, then find some encouragement reading this!