I am sitting somewhere waiting with Autumn. We have plenty of time as we wait so I asked her if I could play with her cool phone which happens to have the web with it. 🙂
So it has taken me about 20 min to get that sentence done. haha. Anyway…
Our little grandbaby will soon have his picture taken and sent to Abi and Ryan and once they see his picture they will tell his MiMi and JaJa what his name is. And that has his MiMi so tickled. They think they will have his picture in the next 10 days or so.
Well I mentioned that one of the reasons I went on the trip was to occupy my mind. And that was certainly successful. But now that I am home I am finding myself in an intense battle with fear.
And I wonder how others have waited to find out if they have cancer? Does the fear torment them? Are they just plain scared? Do they put their game face on and pretend?
I am bathing myself in Gods word and remembering the things in our Memorial Box.
My doctor has referred me to a world renowned thyroid cancer specialist in Denver. Only problem is that he cant see me till next year. Thats not sounding very good to us. We need wisdom. We need direction and frankly we need some favor. I have been weepy today. Very weepy. And I promised myself and you my sweet bloggy friends that I would be vulnerable. So there ya go. The good. The bad. And the ugly. Thank
could you possibly go to MD Anderson in texas. My nail tech's mother in law had thyroid cancer and they saw her right away and she's doing fine now. My great uncle had lung cancer and he is now cancer free.
Bathing you in prayer also Linny. Will be standing in the gap and praying the doctor will have a cancellation!
Blessings,
Suzanne
freedomhollowfarmkiddos.blogspot.com
I love you so much Linny, and like I have told you before, I wish I could walk down this road for you. I wish you could go back to the simple days of caring for 7 kids and a husband, not a care in the world. (Okay, tongue in cheek on that one.) But honestly- I would in a second. And I'm not just saying that because it is impossible, I'm saying it with complete sincerity. You are such an amazing woman and mom and it hurts me to see you going through this. I am praying for you everyday.
Yep. It's okay. Weep away friend. I'm still believing healing for you. Hey, I saw you and you didn't seem sick AT ALL. Perfectly healthy, in fact!!
I'm praying for wisdom for you. And favor. Love n stuff.
Oh I can't imagine the fear. Saying a prayer for your nerves and health!
I am wondering if you might share with me- either via the blog or email- how Abby's adoption is different from when you adopted E and E. It seems like Abby's adoption is taking much longer than your adoption process. I'm just trying to learn as much as I can.
Waiting is the worst! I found out last year that I have cervical cancer. That was after waiting two weeks on my biopsy to come back. I will be praying for you and I hope you do NOT have it and if you do that it will be easy to REMOVE like mine was.
Thank you for being vulnerable. I know it is hard. Believe me when I say I am praying for you dear lady. I will ask Daddy to give me some scriptures that would minister to you. I love you!
Man Linny, I was weepy today too… missing my baby boy so much… I will be praying that the Lord reveals to you and DW exactly what you should do regarding that Dr. and that maybe you could get in earlier… it is too long to wait till next year… my goodness. Sometimes when I her that kind of stuff, I think… are… you… kidding… me? Next year? But our God is a mountain mover… praying He will move this one:)
Sara
Linny,
I am praying for you! I have a dear friend that is battling cancer so even though I don't have personal experience, I have seen first hand her battle. God knows the exact doctor you need to see. If it's this doctor in Denver, an appointment will become open sooner. If it's another doctor, He will bring the right person across your path to refer you to that doctor.
More than three months is a long time to wait to find out what's going on and begin treatment whether it's just for your thyroid condition or for cancer. I believe it won't take that long. God has a plan. Remember, He's got your back. 🙂
Linny, You CAN do this! I reccommend finding another doctor. You cannot wait! My cancer doubled in size every 4 days. You do NOT have time to wait.
I was blessed. My personality allowed me to put on the game face and became the world's best liar. Cancer patients are like that, or at least I am. Your personality is different than mine. I did not want anyone worrying or hovering over me. I also became pretty much a hermit. Oh, I went (my DH taking me) to the grocery (riding in a wheelchair) laughing all the way and out to eat – watching the ingredients.
Each person has to deal with cancer in their own way. Whatever you choose to do is the best one for you. Do not think you have to act one way or the other. Take a deep breath and push forward. Eat what you want, do what you want, and love to the extreme.
God loves you and me. Always remember that (like I have to tell you!).
Hugs…and a year is too long to wait. Praying for a sooner opening or the blessing of a different doctor.
Linny–
I have been following your blog for..years, AT LEAST! To say that I am emotional invested in you and your families lives is an understatment. But, yet, have never commented.
I, too, have Lupus, and a handfull of other diseases that come along with it. My diseases are under control (as much as can be) and I've had beyond amazing success with Eastern/Western medicine treatments. My advice to you is to take the appointment!! He will be a resource that you can't afford not to have in the future. One thing doctors don't tell you is that you can make other appointments with other specialists in the mean time! That way you aren't in this lull moment, and still getting the treatment you deserve and need. I was on an 8 month waiting list for my doctor at UW, and in the meanwhile I started seeing a doctor in my hometown. Both great, both provide different points of view, different types of treatments, strategies, and there is no doubt in my mind that my health is in a better place because of those two working together! You can never, never, never have too many resources when it comes to yourself, your health, or family!
Always available to chat-
Sarah
Linny, How does one 'wait' for that type of answer/news? I have no words only tears. I can't imagine what you are going through. When our daughter was 4 she had what they referred to as "pre-cancer cells" and that was scary enough!!! God healed her! All the pre-cancer cells were gone after a short out patient surgery. PRAYING for your COMPLETE healing in Jesus' name, my sweet bloggy friend.
Praying with you…..I had cancer when I was 8, but don't really remember a lot about the waiting….blocked some from memory. PRAYING!!!! For favor, miracles, and peace for you and your family.
Ahhh, sweet Linny…..Waiting to see if you have cancer is overwhelming…even when we know that God has a firm grip on us…He will never let go….No one likes to think about dying and leaving our loved ones behind.
As you know, I did turn out to have cancer and it was treatable with just surgery. Now I find that fear raises its head when I have a twinge or a pain or as I wait to go in for my first tests since the surgery to makes sure it is all gone….
I like what I read about worry being a form of meditation…and that kind of meditation leads to anxiety and fear…but alas, we are human and at times we do worry, we do fear, we do have anxiety and we do have to wait…There are times the fear is calmed and we praise God and read his promises and love on our families….and there are times when it feels overhwhelming and we need to reach out for hugs, for assurance, and just focus on taking the next breath. ALL WE HAVE IS TODAY. Are you okay today? Then you are okay….Trust…..cry…..breathe….love…..and know that hundreds are praying for you every day. Thank you for your honesty…it will help so many others.
Sending gentle hugs your way today as you pray for the best doctor…GOD will provide!! He loves you so much…
Linny,
Oh my, I can so relate to what you are saying…I went to the doc so I could get my heartburn med refilled and when asked I told them I was struggling with fatigue, did some blood tests and long story short ended up at the Cancer Center having a bone marrow biopsy done…Dr said if we find something we will call you…will see you in 2 weeks for f/u…2 WEEKS!!!! you've got to be kidding..longest 2 weeks of my life…The Lord gave me specific instructions not to get on the internet and begin to do anymore research about this cancer they were looking for, as it was deadly and there was no cure…I was crazy scared, afraid, began thinking about what I would do with the time I had left with my kids and then the Jesus would gently call me back to a place of faith and I would come and rest and speak out loud of his faithfulness and goodness and then it wouldn't be long and He would once again be calling me back to that place of rest…The bone marrow did not show this cancer PTL, however, there are some crazy things wrong with my blood and no one seems to have any answers, so I am still walking through this, waiting on the Lord to show me "the pathway to my healing". I have contacted the Biomedical Center in Tiajuana Mexico and will be having a consult with them soon..(not that you really needed to know all of these details), but I just want you to know I GET IT!!! and God is okay with the place I have found myself in during these uncertain times regarding my health, my life and my future!! I am praying for you and lifting you up to Him.
Bless you,
Sandy in Iowa
Hi Linny
MY husband was diagnosed with Melanoma a few years ago and then had to wait three months to see a specialist. I alsways have thought that the outcome might have been different if had been able to begin treatment sooner. There was always the fear and knowledge that this "thing" was growing and taking over parts of his body with nothing to stop it. I think you are doing the right thing by bathing yourself in God's word and reminding yourself that He is in conctrol and knows all things. At the same time we have to do what we can do to partner with him.
I know this hasn't helped much but I will pray that a door will open with a doctor that can at least put you on the way to treatment.
Just wondering if you received a card from Australia yet. I realised I didn't put my email address on it for you.
Love you dear and we all send cyber{{{{{{{{{ hugs}}}}}}}}
Linny,
Lifting you up in prayer for peace about this newest bump in the road. Kevin battled cancer 23 years ago with a skin cancer that traveled to his parotid gland in just a short 9 months! It was such a strange type of cancer, and his doctor really felt it would get him within a few short years. Ted was one, and we had worked so hard to get him here going through infertility treatments and such. We prayed and prayed, but still fear is so very human and it crept in often. I don't have any magic words except for what you already know. God will take care of you. It is in His hands, and He loves you so.
Kevin is still here 23 years later and two more children later. The doctor just scratches her head when she thinks about it. I would suggest you get it taken care of sooner than later. If you really do have cancer, you don't want it to travel any place else. Will be praying for a quick time to get into a doctor who can help you.
Love,
Janet, Kevin, Ted, Philip, and Elijah
I'm sure you'll get a million responses to this, but I wonder if you've researched thyroid cancer. I've known two people with it, and both were taken care of speedily and successfully. I think it's a pretty "good" cancer to get if there is such a thing. Praying for you as you wait!
I've been quiet lately, but I've been following;)! Praying..I just can't imagine what you're going through…praying for a much QUICKER appt. and God's healing on you my friend!
Oh, my heart breaks for you that you feel this way. I will pray for peace, calm, wisdom and answers for you. Take care sweet girl.
Big Hug!!! Yes I did worry then had guit for not following the Lords word to not worry! Prayers are going up for you. Your vulnerable words will bless someone who needs them! Thank you for blessing my life with your wonderful blog!
Oh Linny. I wish I had words to tell you. I do want you to know that I pray for you daily, sometimes (often. hehe.) multiple times a day. I pray for you, your family, your doctors, peace, wisdom, and just thanking God for you and what He's done and is doing in your life. I don't have any real personal experience with a wait like what you're facing, but I wanted you to know that I am praying, praying, praying for you. And now I will be praying specifically that God will open up an appointment for you very, very soon. Thanks for being vulnerable with us. Love you, sweet friend!
My best friend went through breast cancer and the agony she went through was indescribable. We both went for our mammograms together and we both were called back as they didn't like the results. I waited for days and days in panic as did my friend. I prayed and prayed and pleaded with God, as did my friend. And my second mammogram came back fine, but hers did not. It was a horrible time for her.
But I realized that no matter how hard I prayed and pleaded with God and kept the faith, we are still human beings. We are not God we do not see the future or know the heart of God and therefore it was okay for me to have intense fear. God knows that and understands it. My faith waivered and my friends faith went completely south…as now she seems to no longer follow God. It's heartbreaking.
So to me it is okay to be scared…God created us with the desire for life…but I know from your blog that your faith is huge…you cling to God for everything…and now that is now different. But weepy, that's okay as well.
Know that I am praying for you.
Linny, i've been where you are now. All i could do was sit in the lap of my Father like a helpless child. I cried, I raged, I bargained, but mostly i just laid there in His arms and waited for whatever would happen. He is faithful- He will carry you when you can't hold yourself up.
I will be praying for you!! This is very close to my heart. My mother had thyroid cancer and had to have her thyroid removed. God worked a miracle after that…my parents had never been able to get pregnant…after her thyroid was removed, she became pregnant with me…my name means “God is Gracious”!
You are in my prayers and on my thoughts!!!
loves,
Shonni
Oh sweet friend…I can only imagine the fear that you are battling. Keep soaking in His word and remember He is mighty to save!!! He goes before you and He is your rear guard and by His stripes we are healed!!!! I continue to pray for your healing and that it isn't cancer!! Your faith is such an example to all of us, and I'm so thankful for you my friend.
love,
jenn
PS Can't wait to hear more about your sweetie grandbaby!! I can only imagine how excruciating the wait is for Abi and Ryan.
I think you are just awesome. Your blog and your words inspire me so much. You bet my family and I will be praying for you!
http://www.goodtobecrazy.com
Joyce Meyer wrote the book, "Battlefield of the Mind." Fear, along with a huge gamet of emotions, must be taken captive. I've spent many hours sitting with the unknown. I've planned for the worse so I would not be suprised when it happened.
And it was all wasted energy.
Whatever happens comes filtered through God's fingers, allowed with his Mercy and is, most of all, no suprise to Him at all.
Take captive those fearful thoughts and look at each moment as a gift. Each smile, each giggle and laugh; the touch of your loved-ones hand, their hugs and winks and kisses as what they are – reminders from God that He is your Father.
Don't waste your time on what you cannot change but enjoying this moment. He gave it to you. Then next moment will be a gift from Him as well.
I and weepy are well acquainted. Waiting to find out that kind of news is so very hard. I love you and I am praying for you.
Oh sweet Linny! I am so sorry! That just isn't acceptable that he can't see you until next year. There is more than one renowed thyroid oncologist, we will just have to find him. The prayers have begun!!! Hang in there. I have learned from you that nothing is impossible, so keep strong!
Carrie T. In NC
Yes we sit here in fear. We are waiting on test results right now and we can try and act like nothing is wrong but inside that is all we think about. We have not told anyone so we are doing our waiting in silence. Fear can over come us in no time so we talk very little we have just squeezed a little tighter as we go to bed at night. The fear of "the worst case" can make your stomach turn in a minute.
I, too, am waiting on some results from a blood test that was performed on my baby who just turned 1 a few weeks ago. I will hear by Thursday and from there we will have other tests or procedures done. And I'm scared. I had to hold it together for her blood work that was a nightmare in itself, but now i'm just fearful of what's to come. *hugs* At least we know Who is in charge.
(((Hugs)))
wish I could be of help… we can always include Him in our thoughts and He will show us the way to go.
He's got your back, Linny.
Will pray for wisdom and His perfect plan in your life and also for His mercy to heal you fully. HalleluYah.
p.s. I'm scheduled for a colonoscopy this coming Monday. Not looking forward to it, wouldn't have gone ahead with it if it wasn't for your post some time ago advising your blogging friends for a check up to ensure that everything's ok. It's in YHWH's hands 🙂 halleluYah 🙂
don't know much to say that would make you feel better because i couldn't imagine what I would want to hear…other than to know that as many as possible were praying for me! I pray for you tonight- that God finds it in His will to heal you.
Sweet Linny,
Praying for you, for comfort, wisdom and for favor. Praying that you will find comfort in His words and from all the wonderful memories in your Memory Box.
Really excited to see that new grandbaby of yours! I bet he's sweet.
Love,
Alycia
Hi Linny.
Welcome home! Been following your adventures, but haven't had too much time to comment. Thanks for the virtual ride back east.
As for the waiting… well, waiting is a lot like poop – it just stinks, and there is not much to be done about that…EXCEPT of course, keep doing what you are already doing –
feed on His Word, talk to Him, remind us to pray, enjoy your family, let the tears come and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, He carries you and this time you're enduring WILL BE REDEEMED!
I'm sooo wishing a hug could solve everything…
I'm sending a big one cause I know it helps…
Lisa
You are not alone in your fight against fear. May God's love drive out the torment of fear.
God's got your back! He will provide what/who you need, when you need it, look at all He's done so far this year alone!
Praying for your heavy heart today!
lil sis,
Sitting here praying for you. You know that you know that you know you are exactly in the center of His will…what better place to be? There is peace in knowing WHO holds the future. But of course you know that. Hugs,
BB Dan in TX
Bless your heart. Im sending you a hug. All I know is God is Faithful !!! Praying for you.
Thank you for your post and for your honesty. I wish I could offer a piece of wisdom or calm, but all I can say is that I'm praying for you and your family.
Blessings and love in Christ!
Bekah
I don't know all of the answers for you, except to say that I'm praying for you. I faced a cancer diagnosis last Christmas but it was not a fast-moving one. Still scary stuff to hear at only 30 years old with 3 small kiddos (5, 2, & 6-months at the time). I am amazed at all you are able to do and admire your positive outlook. Keep smiling, Linny. God will work in ways you've never imagined. 🙂 Hugs from IL! 🙂
I hear you about the fear. I waited to find out if I had pancreatic cancer. It seems I don't. But the journey and tests and waiting was a very fearful time for me. First emotion upon waking? Straight up fear. I chose to be honest about my fear like you are.
A friend of mine prayed over me specifically about my fear and that Jesus would be there to meet me each morning. This prayer was really significant to me. I would look for him in the morning. He was, of course, there. He was with me in my fear.
One of my granddaughter's favorite verses is "When I am afraid I will trust in you". That's Eva, she's four. I need Eva's verse too. It comforts me to know that I can have fear and faith at the same time. It happens, it's normal, and Jesus understands and is with me.
Praying for you now.
Praying for you, Linny. XOXO
Praying for you and your family Linny. I cannot imagine.
I always ask friends to pray for me and instantly my darkness turns to light. Praying for you right now.
Remember He is in control, His plans for you are Good and Perfect, and His will be done.
1 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Cyberhugs
Oh Linny you are not the first to discover that fear is the real battle. Without a doubt the biggest part of my battle with cancer, was the battle against fear. Surrounding myself with God's Word was crucial. Another was reading testimonies of how God works through ever stage and phase of cancer. Lyn Ebb has written an amazing book titled "When God and Cancer Meet." It was a great source of encouragement to me and I highly recommend it. You are in what she calls "The Early Dark Days." They are the worst of it. Please trust me that it gets better and know that you are prayed for every time I think of you. May God be your comfort and strength like never before. Blessings, Lisa
(((((Linny))))), I read your blog, I just haven't commented before now. Please know that you are being lifted, not only by those who do post, but others like me who see your heart and lift you in that moment. Praying blessings and direction for you and yours. Lifting you to our Great Physician, and asking Him to give you clarity, guidance and peace.
I am praying for you! I had thyroid cancer when my (now 9 year old) daughter was 1. I found out in the same day that I had a lump on my thyroid and was pregnant. I ended up miscarrying the baby and had to have surgery to even see if it was cancer since they just couldn't tell by all the tests. Before all of this happened, my husband and I said we would have 2 bio kids and adopt one after that. Because of radioactive iodine treatment we had to wait for a year or so to get pregnant so we decided to adopt next. I often thank God for that year and that he used the cancer to reveal the passion he placed in my heart for adoption and orphans! Without cancer, I wouldn't have my precious Peter, and probably not Isaac as well. Be encouraged that he will only allow this if the glory he will receive from it will far outweigh the cost. Who knows if I would have ever made that choice to adopt if the situation was different? THANK YOU JESUS that I didn't miss this! Steven Curtis Chapman's song "I will trust you" came on. Made me think of you!
A friend told me that the sign language for faith or trust was both hands looking like they are holding on to a rope. You will have to look that up since you are learning sign but it has been helpful to me in times of much fear in my life. Just hold on to HIm- He's all I have-
Your life story is so fresh on my mind since I spent the day reading your entire blog and I know this too will be an awesome story of our "Miracle-working, Mountain-moving, Awe-inspiring, Gasp-giving God" (a new friend of mine's exact quote!)
Praying-
mary
Please let me know if you're in Denver and if you need anything (a place to stay, someone to hang out with the kids, a pool to swim in…).
Praying for you! <3
Oh, Linny, my computer at home is dead, and I'm so out of touch. I'll be praying for you, as always. And, I have got to find some time to catch up, so I can learn what's this news about Abi and Ryan. It sounds exciting. Looks like you've had lots of fun lately..tell the enemy he can NOT have your joy because the JOY of the LORD is your strength!
Oh, Linny, my computer at home is dead, and I'm so out of touch. I'll be praying for you, as always. And, I have got to find some time to catch up, so I can learn what's this news about Abi and Ryan. It sounds exciting. Looks like you've had lots of fun lately..tell the enemy he can NOT have your joy because the JOY of the LORD is your strength!
Dear, Sweet, Linny,
May you feel God's everlasting arms holding you up as you walk this road. His ways are higher than ours. May the blessings you have poured out return to you 100-fold. I pray you find peace and rest in your Father today, right now, may it wash over you as a cleansing bath, a fragrant oil.
You are such an encouragement to me. Who knew iron could sharpen iron on the internet?!?
In His Grace~
Dearest Sweet Blog Friend, I am Praying for you! I had about 12yrs.ago two cancer surgeries 3wks. apart. Lip cancer, uterine cancer. I am a single Mom. They removed the cancer but ultimately God healed me! Took me a long time to come to him! Please know that I am putting you on prayer list! God Bless! Janet
praying hard for you! I lost my dear husband to cancer two yrs ago. I well remember the fear that came with the word cancer. The horrible dreadful word!!!
But God can bring peace and joy in the midst of the suffering. Allow yourself to cry, to get angry, to be afraid. But remember to give it all back to God, he can carry the burdens for you.
Please please dont wait a year!!!! My husband had the easiest cancer to cure, or so we were told. They did not tell us that we should have pursued aggresive treatments earlier. We fought hard, ending up in mexico for alternative treatments. It was a long hard painful journey for two young newlyweds!! But we had fun in the midst of everything! God brought peace and joy too. We lived life to the fullest!
Now I am on my next journey… I just became mom to number five. I have 5 beautiful blessings through adoption. Ok the last 3 we are still working on… God has a plan for you too!
Praying for you my friend………… praying for favor and strength for you and your family.