First, I have a personal request. If you are here and are about to read this post, would you please read it in its entirety? Please do not skim, but please read the whole thing.
There are some important parts that could easily get lost if you skim, and I would feel better knowing that you honored my request by reading it all, to the very end.
Second, if you just happened onto our Place Called Simplicity, this is not the first post for you to read. Today I am sharing a very personal matter. It’s kind of a like a family meeting. Our bloggy friends need to know, but they also know our hearts. So in all kindness, you are welcome to stop by Monday and join us…
and then someday down the road, come back to this post, okay?
Thank you so much.
Lastly, to all who posted comments yesterday, sent emails, posted on my Facebook wall or sent FB messages, thank you. Your kindness, your prayers, your love and your support mean more than you will ever imagine at this time. They have brought me to tears over and over.
Tender hearts sharing tender heartfelt words. Oh how I’ve needed them.
********
I have struggled all day with how to share. I have prayed and prayed, “Lord give me wisdom how to write it and what to share and what to leave alone.”
I ran into a sweet friend at the grocery store today. She could tell from my face that it has been a rough time. We hugged. She said, “I don’t know what’s going on, but I can see it.” I poured it out and then I said, “Now you know why it is so difficult to share
at our Place Called Simplicity.”
Yes, she understood.
So, with soft worship music playing in the background, I will just dive in,
cause I really don’t know any other way to do it.
“Weeping may last through the night,
{but joy comes with the morning.}”
Psalm 30:5
The story begins in Africa.
Uganda.
The country we hold so dearly.
The people I love with all my heart.
Before leaving for Africa we were told that, although I would be allowed to serve at E’s orphanage, I would have to treat him like all the rest of the children.
I could not share with E that I was going to be his mama.
I felt bad.
It’s not like every day one gets to stop over in Uganda.
But being a woman of submission, I said, “Okay, Lord you must have a good plan in that. Maybe at least when Dw, Emma and Graham are there in June they will be able to tell him.”
I emailed back and forth with the orphanage director about how our team would serve there. Out of our team money we bought the paint and supplies and set it up so that the first full day in Uganda, the team would work there. Some would paint and some would play with kids.
We got to the orphanage and I knew that E would be in school. But the school yard was about 200′ feet {and two fences} from the orphanage grounds where we were serving.
I peered through the fences trying to get a glimpse of him.
Kids were playing in the school yard and finally Emma helped me figure out for sure which little guy was ours. About that time he came over to the fence and peered across the yard separating us and stared and stared and stared at me/us.
You can ask the team.
It was heart wrenching.
I was so close, but yet, we had two fences and 200′ separating us.
He stared and stared.
The teacher called the kids inside.
He remained.
Alone.
Hands clasped tightly onto the wire fencing.
It was a very emotional time for me.
I wanted desperately to run to him and tell him that I was his mama and we were hurrying to bring him home. But, of course, I couldn’t.
The teacher came out again.
He did not want to leave the fence.
Eventually he did.
The team painted {and did a beautiful job!}.
I played with kids.
But all the while I kept looking over to see if he was out in the school yard again.
And somewhere in there I had opportunity to speak
{in person} to the orphanage director.
Dw had met her on several occasions, but when I had
been there before she had alway been away on a holiday.
I had only communicated with her through email about the team coming.
Well as she and I talked she opened up about our E.
And in the midst of talking about him, she shared things
that completely caught me off guard.
Blindsided.
I didn’t even know what to say.
I walked away in shock.
Later that day school finally ended and slowly E came over to the grounds where we were. I had brought the picture of he and Dw and Graham and Emma.
{We had brought pictures Emma had taken of lots of other kids too, so there was truly no favoritism at all.}
I bent down and showed him the picture.
His eyes got wide.
He clearly knew them.
I pointed to Graham and said, “Who is that?”
I could tell his wheels were turning rapidly…
without much hesitation he said,
“Graham”.
I started to cry.
He remembered him still.
My mind was racing in light of what the director had just shared with me and I really wanted to just go somewhere, anywhere, to be alone and think and pray.
I didn’t know what to do.
So I told no one.
Of course, at home, Dw was struggling with blood clots completely blocking three of his
six veins in his leg besides taking care of the little guys.
I wanted desperately to tell him, but I knew I could not.
Not from the opposite side of the world.
I wanted to tell Emma but I didn’t want to tell her
until I had told Dw.
until I had told Dw.
The gravity of the situation was overwhelming.
I couldn’t sleep well.
I needed to talk about it, but couldn’t tell anyone.
The trip ended.
Upon returning home, I still just couldn’t talk about it.
I prayed for the right timing to talk about what I had learned.
After being home for several days, we were laying in bed one night and I finally told Dw what was going on. He sobbed. I sobbed. We talked. We prayed. We sobbed some more.
We couldn’t even talk to anyone about it.
It was just too painful.
We prayed for days.
We fasted.
We told Emma and Graham so they would pray too.
Finally, we knew we had to seek counsel.
And God in His graciousness has gifted me with a friend who is a professional dealing with this exact issue.
She is one of my closest friends.
She knows our family well.
She loves the Lord dearly.
She is one of the most Godly woman I have ever known.
She knows our hearts.
She shares our love for the orphan.
She is one of my closest friends.
She knows our family well.
She loves the Lord dearly.
She is one of the most Godly woman I have ever known.
She knows our hearts.
She shares our love for the orphan.
Really, God is amazing….I would not have wanted
to talk to a stranger about the situation or even someone that we casually know. He was so gracious to allow this close friend to have this exact expertise.
So I called my precious friend and, through tears,
poured out the situation.
poured out the situation.
Without hesitation she softly said,
“Linny, you cannot bring E home.
You can’t.
“Linny, you cannot bring E home.
You can’t.
You really can’t…..”
I sobbed and sobbed.
I knew she was right.
But really, it is painful to even just type it.
The reality of the words on the screen are almost unbearable.
We have loved him for almost three years.
We have prayed for him for almost three years.
We have thought that he would be ours.
We have planned for him.
We have a pile of clothes that match Isaiah and Elijah
waiting upstairs for him.
waiting upstairs for him.
Even the kids have been saving points in a game
they play so that when E
they play so that when E
comes home he will have points already earned.
But he can’t come home.
We love him.
We want God’s best for E.
We want God’s best for E.
We want God’s best for our little ones.
And E will not be able to come home to our home.
I wish I could share more, but I am unable.
And so…
We are grieving the precious long-awaited son that we’ve lost.
We are grieving circumstances that have caused
this situation to be what it is.
this situation to be what it is.
We are grieving a precious little guy who desperately
needs a family.
needs a family.
We are grieving because of our deep love for the orphan.
We are grieving because life has not been fair to our E.
We are grieving it all.
And yes, we have even had bouts of anger over the situation.
And so here we are.
Painfully grieving.
Trying to process it all.
And praying.
Praying that our E will have hope.
Trusting that in the midst of all this God still has a good plan {for him and for us}.
Believing that He will accomplish that good plan.
Thankful that I hadn’t been allowed to tell
E that I was his mama.
E that I was his mama.
Will you pray with me sweet friends?
Pray for a family for this little treasure.
Pray that God will bring that family quickly.
Pray that God will heal him of the circumstances that surround the situation.
Pray that NO ONE who visits at Our Place Called Simplicity will be influenced negatively by this situation of ours.
We would be broken-hearted if anyone said,
“See! I told you adoption can be bad! I knew it! I am too scared to adopt now!”
We would be broken-hearted if anyone said,
“See! I told you adoption can be bad! I knew it! I am too scared to adopt now!”
Please pray us through this….
that God will take this grievous situation
and in the midst of it all, He will be honored and glorified.
We are so grateful for your love and prayers for our family,
Dw, Linny, Abigail, Ryan, Finley, Tyler, Sarah,
Autumn, Emma, Graham, Liberty, Jubilee,
Isaiah, Elizabeth and Elijah
Autumn, Emma, Graham, Liberty, Jubilee,
Isaiah, Elizabeth and Elijah
Oh Linny. I don't understand it. Like I don't understand so many things.
But I know – I know with all of my heart – that God is good.
And His hands formed precious Elliot Moses and He STILL has a plan for him.
I don't know what to say through tears… knowing how very deeply you love him.
I know that your prayers and plans on his behalf – are not wasted. God is still working THROUGH YOU in Elliot Moses' life.
Continuing to pray.
I'm praying. Love you guys!
Joanna
I am so very, very sorry, Linny. May the God of all peace be your comfort, your light and your security. Praying for precious Elliot.
Oh, Linny! I wish I could just hug you right now. In fact, just imagine me hugging you right this second. Oh gracious. I am so sorry. I don't have words. I am praying. Love you all to bits. <3
Oh Linny~
I WILL be praying your family and that precious child in Uganda through this.
His blessings, comfort and love,
Shari
Oh Linny my heart is breaking for your family and Elliot. We will lift you all in prayer as your hearts are grieving for this sweet boy.
Lord Jesus,
You are magnificent and full of wisdom. You have fearfully and wonderfully made little Elliot. He is yours and you know exactly who he is and every detail about him. You love him so much more than anyone here could. Lord, be with Linny and her family. Let them SEE you in this, see your grace and mercy in this terrible aching they must endure. Heal their breaking hearts and give them hope for his future and theirs without him. Most of all Lord, help them praise you through all of this, to lift their hands high and call you the Blessed Redeemer still. And if in weariness they cannot lift their hands, please hold them up. Give them your overwhelming peace. Let everything in this bring you glory and honor. As they have ministered to so many of us, Lord help them to let themselves be ministered too by those who have been there, and especially by You. In your precious and Holy name, Amen
Our prayers are that God places His tender Hand on your hearts. Few know the pain you are going through. Those that follow you and have become part of your blessed blogging family KNOW your hearts for the orphan and KNOW that this decision was based on God's will for you family.
May your pain be eased and may this precious little one find the healing his precious little heart needs in God's path.
You have our love, compassion, and many many prayers as you wade through this hard journey. May God's peace reign and may it rain down on you in a downpour. May it flood you with Him.
Thank you for your honesty and your open heart.
We will be praying for you all and Elliot.
I know from personal experience that God is a God who comforts and brings healing and that is my prayer for you all.
Michelle
Thank you for your obedience in sharing even this hardest of situations. I look at his middle name, Moses, and am struck by a sort of similarity as you have given him a virtual basket by sharing his story with us. Praying with you that the family who can bring him home is found quickly, and praying for God's healing for your family's broken hearts.
God Bless you all.
"The unfailing love of the LORD never ends! By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself, 'The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!'
The LORD is wonderfully good to those who wait for him and seek him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the LORD.
For the Lord does not abandon anyone forever. Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion according to the greatness of his unfailing love."
Lamentations 3:22-26; 31-32 (NLT)
My heart breaks for you and I will keep you in my prayers. The world is so unfair sometimes (a lot of the times, cuz if it was fair there wouldn't be any orphans at all). That poor sweet beautiful little boy is going to make a family very happy. I won't tell you to stay strong because we are mothers of many and we have little choice. God is a good God.
We need to bind the hands of satan from this little boys' life in Jesus name!
Bless you!
Lori
oh, Linny. I'm so sorry. The loss of a child is a pain I can't even imagine. I am praying for your family in this difficult time. Thank you for loving your bloggy friends enough to share and let us pray for you.
I am crying with you, Linny. We have unfortunately watched friends and family struggle with this side of adoption. I will be praying for your sweet, precious little boy. While you cannot have him in your home, he will always be yours. He is a child of your heart. Even though you can't hold him in your arms, your prayers are wrapping him in your love. Your thoughts are with him every day. He is in the Lord's keeping and is there truly, any sweeter place to be? I will be praying for healing for him and your family as you grieve this loss. God Bless You!!
yes, sweet friend. praying those exact things with you.
praying especially for his family to come quickly, that he may know & accept Jesus so that your family can spend eternity together in the new world. without brokenness. without pain. without grief.
so much love to you, linny.
My dear sweet Linny, my heart is so heavy for you and DW and your whole family including Elliot Moses…yes, I am considering him in your family. If it can only be in the hearts of your family, then so be it; God knows and as I said before, He can make something so beautiful out of all this that we will all be amazed. In the meantime, dear heart, we will be steadfast and vigilant in prayer to our great God of Comfort. I ask that He will surround you all with peace and allow you to rest in His arms and that you will glow with His love. Lord, be with Elliot Moses and give him all he needs including a forever family. Our hearts don't understand but we do trust your heart and just praise you that you are caring about Elliot Moses more than we do. Abba Father, touch and work in that little life and the surrounding circumstances so that this will all work for your glory and your glory alone. Praise you, Father God, Amen. Linny I love you and you will remain in my prayers. God knows!
oh linny, i can feel your heart and tears through this very difficult decision….we don't know each other, but i feel like i get to peek inside your heart through your blog…know that i am praying right now! praying for a family for elliot, and that God will wrap His BIG arms around you and your family right now!!
Blessings,
Chris
"The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime,
And in the night His song shall be with me—
A prayer to the God of my life. …
"Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him… " Psalm 42:8, 11
"Remember the word to Your servant, upon which You have caused me to hope.
This is my comfort in my affliction, for Your word has given me life." Psalm 119:49-50
Linny, I don't comment very often but I just had to tell you that I have already sent up prayers for you and your family and this precious child. Continue to trust in Him – completely!!
Ouch. That has to hurt, you've wanted him for so long. I honestly thought the first time you said something was wrong (a few days back) that he had passed away, so I am slightly relieved. But given the fact that you are still so torn up about it, something else must be looming on the horizon. I will pray for your precious little boy. May God work quickly in his life.
Ruth
Linny,
I read this from top to bottom. I know your heart. Want to know what leaped at me from the post? God. God, and a Mama and Daddy's love.
You prayed for sweet Elliot for three years. You did exactly what you were supposed to do. Who knows this side of Heaven, what impact YOUR praying did for him?
You have been led to this place for a purpose, right? "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Linny, that goes for Elliot too.
Thank you for calling us to your family meeting. Know that I love your family and have been praying diligently. I will continue on my knees for you.
Much love, friend.
You said: "And Elliot will not be able to come home to our home."
God replied: "There is no 'not able' in Me."
Oh Linny….I am heartbroken for you guys. I also know that the story is not over, God's story for Elliot continues and His story for you does as well. Praying for His tender care to pour out over you right now…
Shannon
Oh Linny. My heart is breaking for you and your family. For Elliott. My verse on my phone app today is Romans 12:15 and I am mourning with you and praying for you. – Jennifer in PA
Linny,
Thank you for sharing. I will be praying for you and the family as you grieve. I will continue to pray for Elliot . I know that God has a plan and purpose in all of this. I pray that you will feel His comfort and peace.
I don't know what else to say besides I'm praying. Seems small to offer, but sometimes the Spirit is the only one who can adequately pour out our hearts words to the Lord…
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God."
Praying you all feel God's great comfort in the midst of your grieving… so so sorry Linny…
Oh Linny,
My heart breaks for you and your family and precious Elliot! I am so sad for the circumstances that have caused this (whatever they are) & I weep with. May the Lord wrap you and your family in His arms and give you & Elliot all the hope and peace that only he can provide! I will be praying and know that you are LOVED! I would never doubt a decision your family makes nor would I ever let it influence me negatively about adoption. We know your heart Linny & that is why we love you so and why so many are draw to you!
<3, Lisa K., Whidbey Island
I'm so sorry, Linny. I'm praying for every single one of you…that God would hold you while you hurt and grieve. Praying for sweet Elliot, too. Big, gimungous hugs to you. <3
Precious friend, I'm praying for your broken heart . . . for your family as you all grieve . . . for your children as they struggle to understand this . . . and for your precious Elliot, that our Lord who is the "Defender of the weak" will be Elliot's Great Defender!
As I type my comment Everlasting God has begun to play on your playlist . . .
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak (Elliot's Defender!)
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles
He has Elliot, Linny. He does. Elliot's heavenly Father has him, and will defend him. And He has the Saunders Family too . . . He comforts those in need–he doesn't grow faint and He doesn't grow weary. Ever. Oh Lord, please bring comfort.
I love you friend and I am grieving your loss with you.
Love,
Tina
Praying for all of you, sweet friend….
♥
First, I want to thank you for your courage to share such intimate things on your blog. You touch so many readers, and God will use you to speak to so many more because of your honesty and obedience. (I know, because I just recently shared how we lost our first child in three years of infertility on my blog)
Second, know that I will be upholding you, your family, and sweet little Elliot in prayer. I am so sorry God's plan was not for him to come home to you. May God's peace that passes all understanding surround you in the days that lie ahead.
Linny,
I will pray for a family for him. Every family has some limits. Praying for his future mama and daddy to find him quickly.
I've been thinking of you all day and praying for you. I just had to check one more time before I went to bed to see if you posted. Lifting you up in prayer right now.
Blessings,
Amy P.
O Linny, May God bless you and your family with comfort so deep that an outsider looking in can not understand it. His Spirit within you guides and directs you. Be confident in that. I feel so strongly that Elliot is not a "hopeless case" or a "lost cause". Somewhere God has a family for him where he will fit safely and securely. I'm sure of it. Your prayers for him, the love you have for him- they are not lost. They are a tremendous gift and blessing on his life. And who now can pray more powerful prayers on his behalf than you who love him so much? I will join you in prayer for his family to be found and come forward for him.
And for you and your family I pray peace and the tenacity to cling to the hope of joy coming in the morning. The everlasting arms are holding both you and Elliot, and in that setting, you will always be together. Be blessed with rest tonight and a quiet and peaceful Sunday.
Linny…I've been honored to read your blog for many months now and I just have to share in light of your current path of your journey this verse that has meant so much to me recently…Psalm 145:17
The LORD is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does.
My heart breaks right along with yours. I pray that our God will fill your hearts and Elliot's with His perfect peace…your sister in Christ ~Amber
Peace again Linny. He will always be a part of your family, even if he cannot come home. It is very sad that it will not work. We wanted our Sarah too, but she could not come home with us, she was adopted domestically, even as we tried to paper chase for her. We have not forgotten her. So much more the bond your family has with Elliott after three years of prayer and planning. Do not falter though in your belief and faith that God has a plan here in this situation, as in others. Praying for Blessings for that little boy and for your family. He is now another "adopted" son in Africa.
Linny,
My heart grieves for you tonight. I don't know your situation, but all I can say is I understand. Truly I understand. I know because my family has gone through this. It is heartbreaking and hard to understand the meaning of all of it. BUT I know our God is NOT shaken over this! He is still on the throne and He is still orchastrating special plans for your family and this very special boy.
I'm so sorry that you are going through such a loss. I will keep you and your family and Eliot in my prayers. I'll pray that a family will come soon for him.
Linny,
As I sit here grieving the loss of my sweet Anya, I know what you are feeling. I will pray for you as you have prayed for me. I will pray for your precious little boy who will not come home with you. It is so hard for us to understand sometimes but all we can do is trust in the Lord who knows all.
Praying for you over here in Eastern Europe. May God keep his arms around you and give you comfort.Jackie (another mom to many)
heartbroken for you, Linny and family. praying for peace and comfort for all. <3
I just said prayers for y'all. I am so so sorry your heart feels so broken. I cannot imagine the pain that comes from losing a child. But I know that you are doing what is the very best for your family- even when it is so painful.
KK
Thank you for sharing with us. God has other plans. They are not always our plans. You trust God, that we know. He will not fail you or this precious little boy. We will pray.
Love,
janet, kevin, ted, philip, and elijah
Oh Linny I'm so sad for you and DW and all your kids including Elliot. What a hard little life he's had and to learn that he's surrounded but such tragic circumstances…..it's just not fair. If anything your words encourage me more, not the other way around. It makes me think we need to rescue these little treasures even sooner, before any of life's most tragic circumstances can leave an imprint.
I cant imagine how your heart has been breaking. You are so strong Linny! I think about all the uplifting and encouraging words you've written, even to me personally in the midst of all of this. God will give you the strength to carry on and this will only strengthen your passion to do more for the orphan. Elliot will now have an army praying for him all because you decided to love him. You have given him so much even though you can't give him a family. I'm thinking about you and I won't stop praying.
Praying for your family and your Elliot. Feeling your pain and holding you all close.
Linny, I'm so, so sorry. My heart is broken for you and for Elliot. He knows the plans He has. Plans to prosper you and NOT TO HARM you. He alone knows the best plan for Elliot and for your family. I will continue to pray for all of you.
I am praying for your family and for Elliot. For healing and peace for all of you in this time of loss.
Hi Linny,
I don't know you but I have been reading your blog for quite a while now (longer than I have been following). Your words have always encouraged me and though I am young I know that God is leading me to help orphans in some way and he is letting me know that one day I might even be adopting.
It is devastating to hear that you cannot bring your son home, and I am grieving and praying with you. I am confident that God will take the situation and he will comfort you and your family (including Elliot, even though he does not know the heartache, thank the Lord).
Already I can see that God is working in this, and he will continue to work in it! God is always good. He is the Lord. He loves every one of us.
I am praying, for you all and for Elliot. Thank you that you feel that you can share your heart on this blog even though you don't know us all.
In Christ,
Erin
Dear DW, Linny and family,
I am praying for the situation and precious Elliot. I have followed your blog for a couple of years and reached out to you when the enemy would not stop fighting us as we were trying to bring our daughter home from China. And you prayed for us and she was set free. I am praying for Elliot to be set free as well. There is always HOPE. Prayer is so powerful! Love destroys Evil! God moves mountains! We will stand in the gap for Elliot and pray! I could feel your pain in your words, I know your arms are always open to more treasures so this has to be terrible for you and DW (kids too). My heart is breaking for your loss. All I know to do is PRAY.
Sending a (((hug))))
Amy <><
Sweet, beautiful Linny…I can't even begin to imagine the depth of your pain. I am praying fervently for your precious family…for peace and continually direction & clarity from the Lord. I will be praying for Elliot and the family the Lord has for him. I have absolutely no doubt the Lord will continue to use your family in his life. Oh how I wish I was there to cry with you, pray with you, and hug you! God is using you guys mightily…You are an incredible mama & I am so blessed by you!!! {{{HUGS}}} ~stacy
I hardly ever comment but just wanted to let you know I'll be praying for you and your family.
I read this. And then I navigated away, not knowing what to say. But now I'm back. I'm a relatively new reader of your blog and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry. I can't imagine how difficult this is right now. But I'm sorry. And I'm praying. *And here's a hug from a stranger.*
Oh Linny. That is so hard to read. He will be in my thoughts as he deals with what haunts him in his short little life. And you, your family. How you must ache. *hugs* I know how much you wanted him in your arms. I know.
Linny,
I am a faithful reader and I rarely comment. You have a good heart and you're doing what is right. My prayers are with you and your sweet family!
Melanie
So sorry to hear of your sadness.
I am so sorry Linny. I know your hearts are hurting deeply. I am praying for the Lord to comfort you all as your grieve for this situation. I will also be praying that the Lord finds the perfect place for Elliot to go, and find it quickly!… he is just precious!
Much love and many prayers!
Love you, Linny.
I've been a foster mama for almost three years and in that time, we've had 13 little ones come and go. I rarely share this part, but the reason a few of those left was likely for a similar reason to the one you are speaking of. We wanted what was best for those children and the children the Lord has already given to us. Orphan care is beautiful and terrible, magnificent and bloody – just like the cross. You are doing a good work and you are loving sweet Elliot and all your little ones well. Know I am on my knees for you as you grieve, my sister.
Please know that your family is so deeply loved by people who have never even met you. When you mourn, we mourn. Our hearts break with yours.
Oh, goodness, Linny. Of course, I'm praying. I'm so so sorry for this devastating news. Trusting with you, sweet sister.
I am so sorry for your loss, Linny! May God just wrap His arms around you and your whole family and give you comfort. Thank you for giving the name Elliot to your little guy so that we can continue to pray for him in Uganda. My heart breaks for you.
For such a time as this…. He must have truly needed your love and prayers sent his way all of this time!!! Someone to pray out to God his little name! Prayers from a mother's heart! I am praying for him and all of you! For such a time as this….
I will pray for Elliot that things will work out well for him and that he may have hope and a sure friend in our Lord. Praying that He will sustain you and your family with His presence (His peace and joy) through this heartbreaking time… He is able to take away the pain.
Love you, Linny. ((hugs))
(2 Cor 1:3,4)
Precious Linny!! Through the pain and tears you have honored and glorified our Father, Who loves you, your family including Elliot…he will always hold a place in your family. Elliott sensed the connection from 200ft away…his heart knew you! My heart just breaks for all of you…God's Hand is clearly seen in the delicate details…you are doing the Will of the Father, however painful and difficult. The Lord has special plans for Elliot, we know that…we just don't know what yet…so thankful that the Lord sees the beginning, the middle and the end…He has it all worked out…and getting you involved THREE years ago…Elliot has been loved and prayed over for 3 years that he wouldn't have…whatever the reason, whatever the obstacle…God has a plan and He is using you in that plan for Elliot! The hand of the Lord is ever upon Elliot and you will always be his forever family…nothing is impossible for God! Oh how He loves you all! The Streams in the Desert devotion for today is written for you:
May 29
"Impossible Flowers
"For with God nothing shall be impossible" (Luke 1:37).
Far up in the Alpine hollows, year by year God works one of His marvels. The snow-patches lie there, frozen with ice at their edge from the strife of sunny days and frosty nights; and through that ice-crust come, unscathed, flowers that bloom.
Back in the days of the by-gone summer, the little soldanelle plant spread its leaves wide and flat on the ground, to drink in the sun-rays, and it kept them stored in the root through the winter. Then spring came, and stirred the pulses even below the snow-shroud, and as it sprouted, warmth was given out in such strange measure that it thawed a little dome in the snow above its head.
Higher and higher it grew and always above it rose the bell of air, till the flower-bud formed safely within it: and at last the icy covering of the air-bell gave way and let the blossom through into the sunshine, the crystalline texture of its mauve petals sparkling like snow itself as if it bore the traces of the flight through which it had come.
And the fragile thing rings an echo in our hearts that none of the jewel-like flowers nestled in the warm turf on the slopes below could waken. We love to see the impossible done. And so does God.
Face it out to the end, cast away every shadow of hope on the human side as an absolute hindrance to the Divine, heap up all the difficulties together recklessly, and pile as many more on as you can find; you cannot get beyond the blessed climax of impossibility. Let faith swing out to Him. He is the God of the impossible"
Linny, you are a priceless treasure…thank you for sharing your heart, this difficult trial, sweet Elliot that we will always love and pray for unceasingly…you entrusted us with all of this, and we in turn will lift you and this whole thing up to the Lord for His Perfect Plan and Unfailing Love! It's a privilege to pray for you, to be on your prayer team! To God be the Glory for the great things He is doing! Believing that He will accomplish His good plan (quickly)! <3you
Definitely praying for you, Linny! This is excruciating… and I had a feeling it was concerning Elliot not coming home. How very hard!
The comforter gently holds your broken hearts in his and whispers "it's gonna be alright".
Much love and prayers – and thank you for your courage in sharing – I really honor you for that! You're an incredible woman, Linny, and what an example and model – even in the midst of your grief!
Hugs from New Zealand,
Isabel
Linny, first of all, I am praying for you. I cannot imagine your pain.
Secondly, God opened the hearts of all of you to this particular boy for a reason… We do not know why, but God is never random. There is a plan. Trusting that God's purpose us bigger than ours is hard. God wants the best for him even more than you do, so there is someone out there who is the best.
Try praying for those people, and for his future. Maybe tthat will help you heal. And rest in the Lord, who feels your pain as though it were the Lord's own.
Oh Linny, my heart truely goes out to your family. I also felt the same scripture (Ps 30v5)for you yesterday and am so sorry I didn't share it. I'm going to private msg you soon via f/b hope you don't mind.
Praying Jesus will hold your hearts in his hands. Much love xx
Lin, i 'm devastated for you all. I I am so very, very sorry. I just don't have the words right now. Sort of speechless I guess.
keeping you and all of your family in my prayers and of course Elliot. Praying that God has a happily ever after in store for all.
Again I am so sorry…
Oh Linny, I'm so sorry that things have not unfolded the way you all would have hoped. I'm so sorry that you will not be able to bring Eliot home afterall. I cannot imagine your grief and pain.
I will be praying for healing for you and your family, that none of your readers would be negatively affected, and that God would rise up a family to bring Eliot home forever.
Prayerfully,
Sarah Walker
My heart hurts for you and your famaily. We will pray for healing and for the family of Elliot to come quickly! I,to, have lost 4 children in adoption. Thought I was there momma and then found out it was not to be. Its painful. I have never had a miscarriage, never had a bio child, but I imagine that these circumstances are the same. If you are ready this-please know that no matter how much adoption can hurt your heart-its worth it all. Its so very worth every ounce of earthly pain to help one of these children have a forever family! We will be praying lots for you as you heal from your loss.
Praying for you and grieving with you my sweet bloggy friend.
So sorry for your loss. Elliot will always hold a special place in your heart. God has just the right family out there for him. I will pray with you for this little guy and for a family for him. Will pray for your hearts to heal. Hugs to you and your family.
Oh Linny,
I can't imagine the pain you guys are dealing with. 8 years ago we started the adoption process and weren't allowed to finish and my heart still grieves for our son we couldn't bring home.
What I do know is that you are a family of faith, a family who spends a lot of time in prayer and you just happen to have a lot of friends that love to pray with you.
God did not give you a mother's heart for this child for nothing. God must have given it to you so that you can fight for him.
Praying for you guys!
Dear Linny,
As I prayed after reading your post, God spoke to me and reminded me of Jeremiah 29:11. I am praying that God makes His plans clear for Elliot and that His grace and providence are shown in Elliot's life. Please know that I am praying for you and your precious family.
I pray that God would speak peace to your hearts in this difficult time. When God closes a door like that it is SO HARD to accept. Praying too that God will provide Elliot with a family. He already knows how this story will end, and His name WILL be glorified!!
oh hon,
my heart is breaking for you. God has made you who you are including your big mummy heart. I can't imagine the pain your all in. But i promise to pray for and the family. I know God has a plan and i know you know that too. But it must feel like your in the dark valley. I promise you one thing i know for sure He will carry you out and He'll carry you until…..your ready.
Blessings,
Relle
P.s can't see the screen of my computer through my teras.
PPS. my triplets still pray every day that Jubilee will hear soon.
I am praying for Elliot Moses and for you & your family. God definitely has a plan. Thank you for being courageous enough to share. Thank you for being obedient to our Heavenly Father, especially when life is hard. God will use it all for His glory and for your healing. Keep trusting Him!
Ohhhh Linny, my heart is grieving with y'all! To love someone sooo much, to hold someone sooo dearly, to trust God with everything – when He says "no" – is unbelievably difficult. God has big plans for Elliot and now even more people are praying for him! and God will change hearts because of the testimony that y'all share with Elliot. Love you and will continue lifting you up before our great God, our alpha and omega.
Linny,
Thank you for sharing. I've prayed and will continue praying.
Heidi
Oh Linny We will be praying praying praying for you all…and for Elliot and all those sweet babies in Uganda. How your heart must be broken. I pray that our great Healer will comfort you with His love in the upcoming days. We grieve with you and mourn with you. I completely admire and trust and respect your obedience to the Lord. So hard…yet God is sovereign and so faithful and we know He has a plan in this!
Big hugs to you, sweet friend. Thank you for sharing, because we want to lift you all up!
Sending love and many hugs. I am so sorry. I am so sorry.
I will pray for your hearts and for the son God brought to your hearts. Elliot's life will forever be changed by the exchange between the fence. I believe God is working on something much bigger than we can understand with his sweet life.
Blessings and thanks for your open and honest heart. These words bless me as we have been down a similar road. God showed up so big for our precious guy we could not bring home. Believing we will see the same with Elliot
love!
ashley
Linny, first of all, I am praying for you. I cannot imagine your pain.
Secondly, God opened the hearts of all of you to this particular boy for a reason… We do not know why, but God is never random. There is a plan. Trusting that God's purpose us bigger than ours is hard. God wants the best for him even more than you do, so there is someone out there who is the best.
Try praying for those people, and for his future. Maybe tthat will help you heal. And rest in the Lord, who feels your pain as though it were the Lord's own.
I'm so sorry Linny! Adoption loss is very real and very painful, like a death in your heart. Non-adoptive parents will dismiss how attached your family became to this sweet boy. I understand that you had planned a life for your family with Elliot in it. Thank you for being open about this. We stand in unity with you guys praying for a family for him.
Libby
Oh Linny! I am praying for you!!! My heart is breaking with you. Thank you for sharing this with us that we can pray for you. I know for one I have not been discouraged to adopt. I'm at a point right now where we can't adopt but hope to in the future. Most of that has been an encouragement from your blog. Praying for your family! Especially as Emma heads back to Uganda.
Thank you for your honesty, no matter how difficult this has been for you & your family. I will pray for you guys & Elliott. I pray you find peace & can feel God's love in this difficult time. I pray this little guy finds the right home for him & quickly.
My heart is breaking for your loss. I have been praying since Friday when you wrote your last post. I am praying that Father will give you peace that surpasses all understanding and guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. May you feel his healing on your heart today. Hugs from Alabama!
Dear Linny;
I'm a long-time reader who never posts. I apologize for that. I've gained so much from reading your blog. My family and I are praying for you through this difficult time.
Linny and family,
So sorry praying for all of you.
Janet
Linny and family,
So sorry praying for all of you.
Janet
My heart is broken for you, Linny! I am so sorry to read this post, so sorry that you have to go through this storm, but I am so confident that our Mighty God will walk with you, will protect you, and will comfort you. I can not begin to imagine the hurt and loss you and your family are experiencing, but know you are being prayed for and loved from far away.
Oh, Linny…I am so sorry this has happened to you and your family. Your hearts are grieving a deep loss, and I among thousands of others are praying for all of you. May you always feel God's deep love in the midest of this painful situation. May he hold your broken hearts in His loving hands and bring you healing as only He can do. May you be able to see God's plan for Elliot come to fruition and may it bring you some sense of peace. We continue to pray for this little guy and his future.
We found ourselves in a similiar situation many years ago and understand to a small degree what you are going through. God blessed us with seeing the child we had longed for, prayed for, and still have the photo of be placed in a wonderful home. It was not the end, but a new beginning for us and her. May God reveal to you the same…a new beginning filled with His best plan for your lives and Elliots. Sending you gentle hugs this day…
Sweet, sweet friend. God gave you the exact words to share. Know I'm praying for this whole situation. Hugs and love
How heartbreaking..But your love and prayers for 3 years will not be in vain. God has a plan for Elliot as much as He does for all of your family – prayer and love has been his for 3 years (even though from afar) and God can use that. Praying now for Elliot and your family. God is honored by our faith and obedience even when He leads us differently to our initial expectation. Blessings.
I dont "know" you but I feel like I do. I can see how much your family loves the orphan and loves the Lord. I have been reading your blog for a long time. You have blessed me more than I can say. I am so sorry you are going through this but I know this didnt suprise God and hes got a plan. Praying for you in Ky.
Linn I am so sorry for your loss. I know the pain is deep and the hurt is unbearable. God has a plan and this was in it. We too went through an adoption loss. After spending three and a half weeks in Ukraine we left the orphanage without our little girl. For us we had to think of our family at home and the situation was more than we felt our whole family could handle. So with heavy hearts we came home. The grief was too much at times. My heart had grown to love this child already and then there remained this hole. I am sad to say I had a few yelling matches with God over this but 3 years later he showed his plan and why he chose that path for us. I know right now there is nothing I can say to take the pain away. Just know I am praying and God is still in control and that he has a plan for each of you. So for now I am praying for you and your family to find comfort through this tough time. Elliot knows you love him and that my friend means the world to him. You have taught him love and how it feels to be loved. Love to all.
praying for grace. i know from personal experience that grieving the loss of a hoped-for adopted child is just as deep as a miscarriage or a death. we lost a son just days before we were to bring him home- he bled to death from a perforated intestine, a congenital thing. it was a terrible time. that was almost 30 years ago and we still mourn the loss of that 'almost' son. i will be praying for you that whatever the storm of grief, the one who speaks 'peace, be still' will hold you close. blessings…
Linnny and Dwight, I will pray for this whole matter! God knows your pain and your love for orphans. No one can judge you knowing your hearts. I grieve with you not knowing all the details,but can feel the pain between the lines. Hugs are sent from our home.Know that I will be praying constantly especially today for a new family, peace for your family and God's abundant love to be felt. Much much love, Ellen W.
My heart breaks with your heart. I can only begin to imagine how painful this is for all of you. So trusting our very Good God in the midst of something very confusing and heartbreaking. Praying for strength, comfort and grace to be poured over all of you. Love you so much.
Linny,
Am praying for you, your family, and Elliot. I also am praying that Elliot finds "his" family soon. God will get you all thru this, especially with all the prayer warriors who will be lifting your fam in prayer to our Lord and Savior. God's peace to you.
Praying for you and your family through this difficult time, I can't even imagine. I am so sorry that things turned out this way. God will provide, He always does maybe just in the ways we would like. I break for your grieving heart and I pray that this sweet little guy finds a family too.
"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day." Habakkuk 2:3
Not always our plans. I am really coming to find this out in my own life. God Bless you and your family.
Linn…bless your heart. I'm so sorry for your loss. What a heart-wrenching decision to have to make.
Please know that I am praying.
I will pray that this is not the end of the story for this little guy, just the middle. I will also continue to pray for comfort for your family during this heartbreaking time.
I am praying for peace and comfort for all of you
and for the family that will bring Elliot home
that it will be very, very soon
and that they will have
the strength and wisdom and skills
that Elliott needs.
May you know the height and breadth and depth of
His love in new and amazing ways today.
http://joiningthejourney.blogspot.com/
Dear Linny,
I read your post early this morning, before going to church (in the Netherlands) and silence was my only response. As I check your blog again 7 hours later I notice no one has found the words to respond…
How sad that you won't be able to bring home Elliot. How brave of you to share! Thank you for letting us be a part of this journey that God has taken you on, eventhough right now you have no idea where it is heading and why things have gone this way…
I pray for your family as you grieve the loss of your son, and I pray that Elliot will have a home.
Devastating, just devastating. I am so sorry for your loss, your family's loss and Elliot's loss.
Oh Linny I am sooo sorry!! I know this must be unbelievably painful for you!! Even without knowing details I know you are doing what is best for your family. God will wrap his arms around you and He WILL provide a family for this precious boy. I just KNOW He will!! Hugs from NY!!!
Kathie
Linny, I tried and tried to post to this last night and blogger was uncooperative. I want you to know that your heart again has been a blessing to me, not at all turning me away. You are grieving and it is as if you lost a child to death. It's the death of your hopes, your dreams, your desire to have him live in your home. I am so so very sorry.
I can only imagine that there are some behaviors that would make him a danger to your other children. I read several adoption blogs, Linny, and some of those women are in the thick of things with behaviors that are inconceivable to most people, but you know what? I am still advocating for adoption. I think you were the first match that dropped into my heart to set me on fire for the orphan. I can not adopt because of my mental health issues but I talk to everyone now about the orphans. I pass along blogs of adopting families, I pray like I've never prayed before, and it's all because of your heart for these precious treasures. This honest post that came from a raw a grieving part of you did not dampen my heart one bit.
The beautiful thing about adoption is, it is an amazing story of redemption, Linny and maybe you were never ever supposed to be his earthly Mama. Maybe the Lord just placed the burden on your heart for him so you could be his spiritual Mama. You can pray for him and love him like a Mama but another sweet family will get to reap the harvest.
I am praying for you all as you go through the grieving process.
I am praying for God's hands to been visiably seen in this situation. I am praying for hearts to heal, I am praying for a family for Elliot sweet child of God. Even tho hearts are so broken God is a healing and loving God and he has plans in all of this, and you know they are not meant to hurt us. Love all of you and Elliot.
There are no words. I am so sorry.
Adoption is still a beautiful thing, beauty will come from this.
I am so sorry, and I will pray for him and your family. God has big plans for this little boy and you have loved and prayed for him. God will move mountains for him. My heart is with you for the loss of bringing him home.
God Bless you!
Holly Arnold
continuing to pray…
"…His mercy endures forever. Great is His faithfulness…"
love and hugs,
lisa
Praying for your entire family, for Elliot and especially for his forever family that is out there somewhere. It is clear how much you love him and how broken your heart is right now. I am so sorry. Jer 29:11 always brings me comfort when I don't understand God. Also, Isa 55:8-9:
For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.
Linny,
Thank you for speaking so honestly. I will be praying for your specific requests. Please know that although we have never met, I have learned a tremendous amount from you. Sending prayers and love for everyone involved.
Deborah
Oh Linny, I am sooo sorry. I will pray for you and for our little treasure in Uganda. Rest on God's promises to us and his infinite goodness. I say that out loud as I struggle with a broken heart also, and wait for God's glory in all situations. God bless you and your family and carry you in his strong,loving arms.
I WILL PRAY FOR THIS SITUATION AND FOR YOUR FAMILY TO SEE GOD'S HAND AT WORK. ELLIOT IS NOT LOST TO YOUR FAMILY, HE IS JUST TEMPORARILY DISCONNECTED. WE WILL PRAY FOR HIS SAFETY, HEALTH, AND HEART.
I am praying for you all. It may seem hard for some to comprehend the love you can feel for someone that you never had in your home, that you have lost. I know that love runs deep. But remember there is a reason for everything and God is able to finish what He has begun. As for people not adopting because of this, dont fret. Prayerfully people will only enter into adoption with prayer as to which way God wants them to go and they will realize that not all paths we are supposed to take (as hard as that is), but only the paths that God orchestrates. My heart hurts for you and I am praying that Elliot will find the home that the Lord wants him in.
Praying…..without ceasing, for you and your beautiful family. We know our God is able. Sending you many prayers, love, and peaceful healing thoughts to you across the miles. God bless and be with you. Lynne
Linny,
My heart breaks for what you and your family are going through. I know, first hand, that losing a child who is, "not yet legally ours" is every bit as painful as losing any child, and there are some extra issues thrown in! Love doesn't care about legality. The knowledge that we are powerless to help our innocent child who is still on this earth suffering because of choices made by others is heartbreaking. The trust that they are first and foremost HIS children, and HE will be there for them is a big consolation. It still hurts. I'm so sorry. I'm praying. Betsy
My prayers for your family, and Elliot.
Oh Linny my heart is breaking for you all, you must be so devastated.
As soon as I started reading the post I started to cry because I knew what was coming at the end of it.
Praying for your family and for sweet Elliot.
Oh, sweet Linny. Even this is part of Gods plan although it is hard to see now how it will weave together for good. I am sure your grief is deep and raw but your love for your family is deeper and stronger. Sending you all our love and prayers.
{{{hugs}}}
Praying for all of you. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Oh,Linny…I SOOO know your heart. To come to this decision…for your family, of all families, to realize this is not to be…hard, grievous stuff. I am praying for all of you. And for sweet Elliot. Oh, God loves him so very much!!! I know He has a plan for his life…as he does for each one of us. May we help carry this burden for you all.
Much love and hugs…Nancy in CT
Oh Linny –
This story is why my husband and I WILL continue on our journey to adopt our little girl. So many little ones are waiting for us! We tried so many avenues to get to our girl…and none of them worked. We weren't the "right fit" either because of our age, length of marriaged, etc.
But God always knew who would be our girl, He had a plan for the "right fit". And your little one will find his mama and papa too. I know it.
This is such a hard loss, we will be grieving with you.
God bless.
Brooke Annessa
http://www.theannessafamily.blogspot.com
Praying for the loss that you and your family are experiencing at this moment. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child but I know the God we serve, the One who loves Elliot more than anyone, the Comforter who is holding you in the palm of His hand during this time.
My prayers are with you, your family, Elliot and the family who will one day take Elliot home.
Blessings!
Laurie
I am so sorry to hear this and can only begin to imagine how badly you must be hurting. You are in my prayers.
We have been there. We met a child that we truly thought God meant for us, but we had to say we could not adopt that child because of the circumstances. I know your pain and guilt, I cried for days literally without stopping, but God had a plan for the child we met (she is now being adopted into a wonderful family) and God had a plan for the child we ended up being led to adopt instead. She was always meeant to be ours and I see that now. God always has a plan and hopefully you will get to see the plan this side of heaven in its beauty with this just being a part. Hugs Linny. Remember God has plans to prosper you and little Elliot. His ways just aren't our ways and sometimes its just painfully hard!
Praying for you all. Adoption losses are so difficult but God is so faithful to give us strength and peace.
Absolutely praying for peace for all of you right now. So sorry you are hurting. God is big enough to carry you through this! I am so thankful that He sees this big picture even when we cannot.
Oh my friends! My heart is grieving for you and for your sweet Elliot.
Can you feel me hugging your necks all the way from Lower Alabama? i'm hugging you tight. God can and will do mighty things for Elliot. He will bring healing in the situation. i know He will. God has been bringing Jeremiah 33:3 to John's and my minds lately. This is what it says: "Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know." i know that in time, whether it is here on earth or in heaven, we will be able to see what His plan was for this. i have no answers other than to tell you that i love you, and will continue to pray for you and for sweet Elliot.
In Him,
Alycia
Jesus first and foremost, we thank you. We thank you that you are in charge and we aren't that you know our tomorrow's and our comings and goings. Lord I am so thankful that this family listens to your voice and obeys. I am so thankful Father that you know what is best even when it is clearly more pain than we can handle. Father I can't imagine that pain in their hearts right now, but you do and you are there. Father I pray quickly that this precious one would have a forever family, a perfect fit. Lord I pray for PEACE and HEALING for Linny's family, Lord I pray that you would deeply remind them of your plans for them. Lord you are so good you have begun such a good work and are not finished with this family. Thank you for this ministry Lord, for this blog, thank you that thru their experience we are all closer to Jesus. Amen
Oh wow! That hit like a ton of bricks. Wow…but I know you've prayed about this and have made the decision God knows is best for your family. (I know so much about you just from what you've shared on your blog!!!) My family and I will pray for you and your family as you go through this trial. We'll also pray for Eliot! Blessings & Peace…..
Just wanted to let you know I am grieving with you and looking forward to the day when I can celebrate with you on what God has done in sweet Elliot's life!
Oh Linny, I was so fearful that it might be something like this that you guys were dealing with!! Praying for ALL of you, including Elliot!! That God would bring beauty for ashes and healing and love to this little guy and your family…..((((HUGS))))
We love you guys and I know God has a plan here – a perfect plan for this sweet boy! Praying for him. Praying for you all.
Dear Linny, I am so sorry for your pain and grief! I completely understand your decision. God is glorified by your willingness to share this painful trial. You set a Godly example by protecting the family you already have. I will continue to pray for your family and also for little Elliot.
Linny, Linny, Linny,
Some day I am going to meet your wonderful self in person and get to give you a great big hug. I am weeping right along with you. I know that the Lord has something planned for Elliot's life. I know you know that. It's OK to grieve this loss. It's normal. Let us grieve with you and bathe you in prayer.
Many blessings,
Kimberlie
I cannot imagine the pain you carry right now, but there is a loving God who carries it and for Him it is even heavier because He knew all along. I feel you are here in "bloggy" world to share your story and to be transparent so others can see the pain of the orphan and to feel their cry. In no way could someone take this and walk away from adoption as a result unless satan took hold. Adoption is hard, life is hard, parenting is hard…..the world IS HARD, but God is bigger than all of it! The blessings are bigger than all of it! I am praying for the weight of the pain in your hearts to lift….not to forget, but to lift. 'Listen to the words of the song Held,but Natalie Grant. This really pertains to your situation right now. He's holding you! God bless you!
I understand. And I am praying for your hearts. <3
Prayers for your family, Linny. I feel numb for you. I have had the picture you posted of him with the four of them on DW's last trip on my refrigerator so I could pray every day. I have had soooo many people ask who they were and what the story was. Among your picture I had soo many others and your picture just brought such HOPE. I am soo sorry it didn't work out the way you were hoping. I can't even imagine what you're going through. I will pray and fast for your family–that you will all find a place of peace with the situation and that God will wrap His arms around you while you wait. Hugs…lots of hugs to you and your clan.
Kendra
Linny,
I don't even "know" you except through words and a sisterhood in our Lord. I have been reading your blog for a few months, and have been moved by your honesty and "realness". I feel like you are a Kindred spirit.
After reading your latest blog, I just wanted you to know I am grieving with you over this loss. Words are never adequate to express the sorrow I know you are going through. Just know that I will be lifting you up in prayer as God brings you to my mind.
May God give you and your family peace beyond measure.
In Him,
Julie Agee
julie@ageeweb.com
Praying, praying, praying, sweet friend.
God knows how your heart is breaking… may He bring you a peace that is only one He can give.
Lots and lots of love,
Stefanie
Praying for you, Elliot and your family! Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Even though we have not met, you and your family mean a lot. 🙂 Hugs!
We love you Linny, your heart and your family! Know your boy Elliot and our boy Ezra will forever be in our prayers! I figure if I can't parent him I can lay down at the cross for him daily! Thank you for being real. It is hard. Hugs.
Oh, Linny. I can't even imagine the heartache that you're experiencing right now. I know that there are not words to "make it better" and so I won't try to gloss over your pain with empty words. Allow yourself to feel the sadness, and remember that when we don't have the words, the Spirit intercedes for us. Please, if nothing else, "hear" theses words:
We love you. We love your family. We love your heart. We're standing by you.
I'm praying for you, and for sweet Elliot.
Brittany
Linny, your heart ache is so real and close to home. 4 years ago we were set to bring home a treasure from Uzbekistan when their government told us "no". we were heart broken she was already part of our family. But God knows what is best for them and us so we grieved and trusted in the One who holds all our future. May you feel Gods mighty love and compassion at this time.
Oh dear friend… I am so sorry, I am so so sorry. My heart aches for you, for your family and for that sweet boy.
I am grieving with you…
I know how much you love the orphans and especially this little guy. I know you are heartbroken in every way…
Praying for all of you…
Praying for you all, Linny! I'm so sorry!
Oh my, prayers are being sent you way!
oh, Linny. I am so so SO sorry. I know the pain of losing a precious lil guy too. The reminders seemed to go on forever. My heart melts for you and your family. And of course for the precious Elliot. Please know we will lift you up every time God brings you to our hearts, and I know that will be often. I love you sweet sister.
Yes, I have prayed for sweet, little Elliot as you have asked. My husband & I are still just as excited to adopt as before I read your post. We know the road will not be smooth, but we know He has called us to adopt our first 2 little ones from Uganda. This momma's heart couldn't be more excited!
Excellent post – it' so much easier to share good new! Some children need families that don't always match what we have to offer, but God loves him even more than you do and will provide for him!
Jenny
http://www.ourplansmultiplied.blogspot.com
Linny and Family,
my heart hurts with yours. I can't find words. I only want to say, I have a little idea, of what it feels like: we were threatend for 18 months after our son came home, that they will get him out of our family again. Praise God, it didn't happen. But for you, it sounds seriously decided for good? Why that?
Praying for you all…
Simply sending you and your family love…and to the sweet orphan children in Uganda and around the world. May all of you feel blessed today!
Linny…I will continue to pray for you and your family. I know in my heart that you have made the right decision without knowing the circumstances. Anyone that reads this blog knows your heart. Knows that there has to be something REAL that would keep you from bringing Elliot home. Knows that you have prayerfully considered EVERY option! Knows that you are broken hearted. As I read this I think of the story of Abraham and Isaac…sometimes God gives us these things to test our faith. We will never know why until we are face to face with the Almighty! God has a plan for the Saunders family and for Elliot. We KNOW that! Thank you for being so painfully honest. If anything…this should encourage people! I love you and your family! And again, I thank you for your honesty and I will be praying for peace and comfort. Candace
Well, I simply have no words. But to lift you all in prayer. I know, God knows, you made the best decision for your entire family. And what a prayer team Elliot has behind him now.God made your worlds collide for a reason, and a season, and now you must all just pray.
As I am for you.
and for Elliot, too.
Oh Linny, I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet boy. Really, I'm sure it's almost like actually losing a son. I will be praying for all of you!
Linny I am so sorry…reading this is heart wrenching, your pain is palpable. I will be praying, and would never be afraid of adoption, maybe even more determined!!
Christina
Dear Linny,
I am one of those silent blog readers, usually thinking I just don't have the words to respond to everyone's well said posts. Your family and posts have inspired in times of doubt and the Lord has used you through this blog to encourage us to forge on for the Lord and into our second international adoption of a specials needs darling even though we have no clue where that money is coming from. And of course, God has weaved and beautiful story of how we even got to this point through our pride and doubt. We love the Lord, we love orphans and we love you during a time that I am just sitting here weeping with you over. I know God will take care of Elliot and this is part of His plan; we just can't see it all clearly. I am so sorry for your pain, for Elliot's pain and will pray for you all in the days ahead as you grieve. Love and prayers,
Jeunesse Nageotte
Linny, I'm so so sorry. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. Your family AND Eliot will be in my prayers. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." – Romans 15:13
Oh Linny,
My heart breaks for you on many levels. Mostly because I understand this situation without you even having to share the details. It's not about your love for Elliot Moses–for I know there is nothing he could do that would make him loose your love. It's about your responsibility and love for your other children and how this could/would affect them.
You made the right choice, although at times you might wonder why God put this precious boy in your life and has woven your hearts together as mother and son, only for you to make such a difficult choice. But Elliot still has hope and a future because he has a family praying for him and loving him and a Creator who can heal all hurts and restore what living in this fallen world has done to him.
I will continue to pray for you and your family throughout this difficult time.
Much Love,
Kathie
I am a fairly new reader. We had a failed adoption in Russia so I understand the heartache you are going through. It shouldn't make anyone not adopt–there are so many reasons an adoption might not happen. But there are so many more reasons to keep on going! (we later adopted our lovely Nutmeg domestically.) my heart is with you and your family.
We love you all so much!
Love and prayers from the Funkhousers!
Linny,
My heart is breaking for your family and sweet little Elliot. I will be praying.
I'm sorry. You will always love that little guy. Saying Prayers for your aching heart. And, for Elliot's heart and soul. And, for parents who will come quickly. Love You! ~ Jo
Praying for Elliot and for you and your family. Thanks for sharing.
Love,
Machell
Oh Linny, I don't even have words. I am so, so sorry. My heart is breaking for your sweet family. You (and Elliot) will most definitely be in my prayers.
Linny,
My heart is very heavy for you and your family today, all day since early this morning reading your post.
Wish that I could give you a real good hug! But I am praying for our beautiful Jesus to wrap His arms around you and give you peace in this storm. So very sorry for you and for Elliott…..there will be redemption somewhere in this story later on that will bring you peace.
Praying Praying Praying and sending you lots of love!
In our journey, I called this an "adoption miscarriage." I am so sad to hear of your sorrow. I pray that God will heal your hearts and provide the exact right family for that sweet boy. I pray that you will look back and see God's mighty hand at work and know that his will was done. Be blessed.
Praying for you and your sweet family and your precious Elliott!!!
Oh, Linny, words fail me. I can only begin to feel your pain. I remember when we were first told Ellie had been matched with another familly. Those were difficult days. Oh, how I pray, the God of All Comfort will bring you His perfect peace.
Linny, I am so sorry. I cannot imagine the heartbreak you and your family must be going through. You've made a decision based on the best interests of your family. God has your family's best interests in heart. He also has Elliot's best interests in heart. I'm praying that He'll bring those interests to reality through the family He has chosen. Bless you as you continue to struggle and grieve. His grace is sufficient!
In Love,
Bekah
Oh, Linny… I'm so sorry. He binds up the broken hearted. Prayers for you all.
Oh Linny….
How can there EVER be anything bad about honest to goodness l.o.v.e?????
He's had you praying for him for 3 years!!! Specifically for him! How many children in need of forever homes have had that? How is that a bad thing?
Praying for your hearts… and for his family to get him quickly. And for peace for you and your family.
I'm soo, zoo sorry for you. I can't even imagine. But I will pray like nobody's business that God shines through this.
I have wrestled with God on having a child in my arms and having one held in prayer…prayers for you guys.
I am so sorry for your loss. How heartbreaking! ((hugs)) and prayers for your family.
but you loved him Linny. up close and from afar. you loved him. love is never bad. I know you are hurting. and I am so so sorry. but you loved him. you looked past his dirty face and shabby clothes and LOVED him. even if you never said Im your mom. you loved him. You made a difference in his life. while its so hard that it isnt the difference that you wanted to make, that it doesnt feel like enough, it has to be enough. you loved him. you can keep loving him. praying for him. you can keep him in your heart and soul forever. you maybe cant hold him every day as his Mama but you can still love him. and thats ok.
I'm incredibly sorry and feel terrible about your pain. You are all in our thoughts and prayers. But how can anyone advocate for Elliot if families don't know why you weren't able to adopt him? I'm not trying to pry into anything that isn't any of my business. But how could I tell my other adoptive mommies about him being needing a home when there is this huge mystery surrounding why you couldn't adopt him. Forgive me if you find this comment negative to you in any way.
Linny
My heart aches for you and your family!! I have been in your shoes and there is nothing that I could say that will take the pain away BUT GOD IS BIGGER THAN ME AND HE CAN AND WILL GIVE YOU THE COMFORT YOU NEED NAD DESERVE!!! God knows exactly who Elliots forever family is and the part you have played in helping them unite–IT WILL HAPPEN!!!!
Praying for your family!!
2 Corinthians 12:9 (New International Version)
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Dear Linny,
I will continue to pray for you and your precious family and for little Elliot. Your love for the orphan and Elliot is so evident. I can see your heart breaking through you words. I wish I had some special words of encouragement for you to help you through your grief. I have no doubt that many will pray for Elliot, that God will be glorified, and that God used your love of the orphan to bring us together to pray for God's best for Elliot. Love, Debbie
Heartbroken for you and him, praying for all of you
Praying for your sweet family. Praying for sweet Elliot and trusting in his Heavenly Father to care for him.
Linny, How I love you and your family! I don't have to live around the corner from you or see you at the grocery store each week to know your loving heart. Your love for God, family, and orphans shines through each word you write. No one who has traveled with you (through your blog) on any of your adoption journeys would doubt that your heart is breaking. My family lost a baby girl from China that we had fallen in love with in 2005. China turned us down after first telling us yes. Our hearts were broken and we cried for her. 6 months later God revealed his plan for us through the disruption of a 2 year old little girl from China. After only knowing about her for one week, I flew to LA to pick her up and she has been the light of our lives ever since. She is a priceless gift to our family. I will be praying for your little boy in Africa and for all of you, Linny. God bless and keep you.
Linny- We too lost an adoption. We had hoped and prayed and loved a child (although we never knew our child) for 5 years. We have piles of clothes, a teddy bear, Christmas presents and a letter from each of 5 Christmases… each one saying "next year when you are here around our tree."
I can feel your heart break. That was one of the lowest points in my life. The situation dragged out over Christmas.
I will be praying for your family Linny. All of you, even Elliot. I know the heart break, I know the tears.
But God is good. All the time, God is good.
I'm speechless. I just asked Emma last week through texting how this was going. She never replied. I'm so sorry…I'll be praying more than ever. I love you all so much!
1 Peter 5:10
Well bless you for being open about this. It is so important that we examine our situation and our hearts and have wisdom about what is ours to bear and what is not. Sometimes it is a mystery why one child is ours and another is not, and sometimes it is wisdom and understanding.
When we started with SN adoption a more experienced person gave it to me short and sweet – you have to know what you are up for. None of us is infinite and everything – that is God's roll. But it always amazes me that things I would /could probably never even approach are right up someone elses skill set.
I'll be praying for that someone else for Elliot – and peace for you all as well. We evaluated other files before finding our DD2B. They were not right for us, but we so wanted them to be. It was hard to accept. I am sorry.
Praying for all of you tonight, Linny. I cannot help but think that, although this is heartbreaking, Jeremiah 29:11 remains God's promise for Elliot. That has not changed, even though it means he is not to be in your family. He remains in God's family. In God's care. I will be praying for Elliot to find his forever family soon.
Melissa
I'm o sorry for your loss. You have a huge heart and an amazing family. You continue to inspire me. Be gentle on yourself. Maybe there will be a family with a "better fit" for your sweet Elliott. I will pray for your hearts, and for Elliott to find his forever family.
Dear Linny – I am upholding all of you in prayer and trusting that all of our Lord's promises are true. ~Chris
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3
My dear blog friend, I am so sorry to hear of your struggle, and the loss of a son (from our point of view). I do not need to know all of the details to know that God has a hand in all things… Please listen to the country song…. unanswered prayers. I know it is not a gospel song, but it helps to remind me that God has all of the answers. When it seems like he is simply ignoring us, he actually has a better thing waiting. Sending love and prayers to you <3
Linny, My heart breaks for you and your family, and little Elliot. Really just breaks. I am so very sorry for this circumstance. God is near, and He loves Elliot even more than you do. He is treasured. We will continue to pray he gets the family he needs, and that God wants him to have.
XOXOXO
Heather
I am so sad for your family and for Elliot, but I know you are doing the right thing. You consistently follow the Lord's leading and I believe you are doing that now. I am praying for your grieving hearts and for Elliot to find a family soon. He is a precious boy and I know you love him dearly, but it is important to remember that God loves him even more than you do. This doesn't mean Elliot is any less important or any less loved by God. It just means that he can't come into your home to live. I believe that God will still use this for Good and this precious boy will find a home soon.
No condemnation, no fear, no guilt. I believe this will actually encourage people to adopt, knowing that God will also look out for the best interested of the children already in the home as well as the interests of the orphan.
I didn't want to leave this with my other comment in case you don't want to approve this one (which is fine with me…this link is specifically for you, not necessarily for everyone else, unless you think it needs to go out there.)
I'm not sure if you are familiar with this blog, http://oneroofafrica.blogspot.com/ It is about a family I know in real life who actually moved to Uganda to adopt a little boy (there had been legal problems preventing bringing him to the USA.) They packed up and moved their 4 young kids to Uganda (incidentally their oldest girl's name is Emma.) Tragedy struck and they had to disrupt the adoption. Overcoming this has been a huge battle for all concerned. If only they had known ahead of time…praise God you were informed.
Praying for all the things you asked and more. I know God is a great GOD. We may never know the reason but he may have need your prayers and love through this time. Praying healing for your family!!!
Praying for you Linny, may the Lord give His strength and peace in you.
Linny,
Praying for you and this precious child of GOD……Sending much love and many hugs your way!
Kim Schrink
Praying…
Praying with you!!!! When I was in Ethiopia last year i met a beautiful sibling group. 2 boys and a girl…older children, sweet beautiful… LONGING for family that they had waited so long for… I came home prayed with my husband…began to plan for them. Dreamed of them… then when my husband said yes we can add 3!!! more to the family they became mine.
Then when I contacted the agency about them, we were told no. Then told why… I thought my heart was going to be torn in 2 pieces. Or 3 as the case may be… I had met them, seen their sweet faces loved on them and planned for them to be mine. And it wasn't meant to be…then I grieved even harder for the pain that they had had to endure that made it impossible for them to become ours. It seemed like a crushing blow to have to be held accountable for something they had no control over.
God had a plan … has a plan…and they are going to be in a family soon. Praise the Lord… but I grieved those children, and for them.
My heart cries out for yours and lifts you up!!! May God show His plans to you, and give you peace
Linny,
My heart is breaking for you and for Elliot but I trust that God has a plan that is far bigger than what we can see at this moment. We will claim Jeremiah 29:11 for Elliot and for you in this situation. In His perfect timing, God will direct you to the next door He has opened for you. And, from someone who is a very private person, I can certainly understand how difficult this was to share. Lots of love being sent your way.
Blessings,
Teresa
So sorry to hear this. Not much else to say without being trite. 🙁
I'm so sorry you have had to lose this little one. It was a good thing that you were not allowed to tell him you were his Mama. I have no idea why you can't bring him home, but I trust your wisdom in this matter. Sometimes we have to make really difficult choices for the good of the family versus the good of one. (or maybe it's not that at all; I don't know your situation.) But! No matter what it is; I don't judge you. God has a plan for Elliot. Sometimes we have to let go of people, and allow God to fulfill his plan. We're praying for you!
My heart breaks for you and DW and your family and most of all, Elliot. I am so sorry, Linny. God has a plan, though. There can be no doubt. His will and ways can be safely trusted. Praying comfort for you and yours,
Linny, I'm glad you were able to share this and I know it was tough. I'm praying for your family as you all mourn. I'm also praying for Elliot to have a family one day. I was very sad to hear this news and don't understand, but I know God has a plan in purpose for all of you. We had a boy live with us and it didn't work out and it was sooo tough to know that it didn't and it was soo hard to explain and I was so sad.
Thankful that this verse holds true:
-Isaiah 55:9
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts.
Oh Linny,
You are blessed to have a heads-up on this. I know it is incredibly painful but imagine how much more it would be so if you went to get him and he was expecting for you to take him home and you just couldn't. It has happened to someone that I know and it was devastating on both sides of the equation.
Praying that God gives you Peace.
i'm so sorry
Linny, I'm so sorry to hear that. To feel your pain and your loss in your words. But even more so,it's the LOVE that radiates through your post. Love for Elliot, love for the Lord, and I have to believe that your love is a piece of the puzzle that we don't see in its entirety yet.
Hugs from WY
Barb
I'm so sorry for your family, for Elliot and for whatever circumstances have contributed to this sad reality.
Would your family still be able to write to Elliot and light up his world a bit from the other side of the ocean?
Praying God holds you all close and that the Holy Spirit whispers loving words to Elliot throughout his life.
Dear Linny and family-
You all have been such an inspiration to our family. As mostly a lurker for over 3 years, I have read your blog and felt God in every post. During my husband's deployment, I checked in daily for my encouragement, just to hear God say I wasn't alone. You helped me hear God on my own, and I am eternally grateful.
Please accept our love and prayers for you and your family at this time.
The Muzzys
Patrick, Sheri, Tristan, Trenton, Peter, Samuel, Sean, Madison, Lulu and soon Phoebe & Poppy
Linny, I don't know if you are accepting comments or not to this post, but I want you to know that so many are praying for you and your family as you walk through this valley. May the Comforter comfort you in your loss.
Linny and Family,
When you posted last week about this heart wrenching situation that we did now know, Elliot's name came to my heart and I said Lord, no will he not come home, has something happened to him? And I prayed, and I will pray. My family has said no before and it hurts more than anything, but God's plan is always revealed. I am praying and I love you and Elliot and more than me God does too.
Oh Linny, my heart just aches for you and your family, and little Elliot. I will continue to pray for all of you and for Elliot to find a family. You prayed that the Lord would work it all out, and for whatever reason, it must be this way. It is heartbreaking, but God in His infinite wisdom, will work all things together for your family, and for Elliot. He loves you all so very much and promises to bring beauty out of ashes. I say this as I stand in the beauty now, instead of the ashes. God is good, all the time, and He is already working on Elliot's behalf. I pray that your hearts will be able to fully grieve and find healing.
Love and prayers,
jenn
I am so sorry. I had to leave and come back today to process your post. I am so sad for you and Elliott. My head goes from praying that you can bring him home by some miracle and what does God have for him to do in Uganda. Is he meant for something there even as a little boy? Praying..Praying..Sheri
Praying, Linny, for ALL of you. Of course I don't know the situation, but I feel I do know your hearts and I KNOW that you would bring Elliot home if you could. God MUST have another plan for him, a plan too beautiful for us to even imagine. Praying that sweet Elliot will remain safe in the arms of Jesus until Jesus places him in the arms of another family who will love and treasure him. Praying for you too as you grieve this loss. We fix our eyes on Jesus – who sees all, knows all, and weeps with us. God bless.
Romans 15:13
Praying for you and your family. Words fall short.
I love you Linny.
linny-
i know you don't know me but in the few months i have been reading your blog i have begun to feel like some of my wildest dreams of what it might mean for me to live for God might actually not be so crazy after all. your days of prayer and fasting have challenged me and your heart for adoption has encouraged me.
so please know that my heart hurts for all you are going thru. and know that i will be praying- for your family and also for sweet elliot. i believe that God will use your love for elliot to bring him into the family that might not have otherwise found him- one that will be able to minister specifically to all his needs. i am sorry for what you guys are going thru and yet… because of what i have seen on your blog in previous months… i am hopeful for what the Lord is going to do for His glory and for this precious child of His.
hugs from a grateful reader in florida- haley
Hi Linny,
I totally understand… we have walked your walk and know…. may Gods peace rest upon your family and I pray for a deep understanding of the body of Christ and the best home for Elliott. May God give you His peace that passes all understanding – He holds you and Elliott in His loving arms,
Sarah
Hi, we are the McKinney clan from NH who have a heart for the orphan. God called us to the USA from the UK in 2004 and then our journey began!!!! 3 adoptions later from foster care and starting the process to bring 2 more treaures home from Uganda!!!!! We love our Mighty God, He is soooo awesome…..
oh linny.
we have "lost" a baby in much the same way. my heart grieves for you and i will start praying NOW. i don't need to know circumstances…i know what your heart feels like.
i was even angry at God, but you know what. God put our little boy in a much better situation (for him) and (now) his momma and daddy go ALL over the country doing break-out sessions on adoption (transracial). Do you see? OUR LOSS (deep and awful) is HEAVENS GAIN. i mean… i can wait till then. Heaven is FOREVER. and to think that there will be other adopted kids there BECAUSE of this little boy and (US) having to give him up– makes me thrilled. (and YES! i still cry. i'm only human after all.)
Girl– i am praying. Your Father is Good all the time. You know that. I will pray that He sends something your way where you are allowed to "see" some of the other side of the tapestry. some….
You are loved.
TAB
I am truly praying for you, your family, and your Elliot. I know God has a purpose in this. I know He loves Elliot and your family. I believe God is going to bless you both. I am sorry for your broken heart. I cannot imagine.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9
Praying for you Linny. I cannot imagine the hurt, the loss. May His peace reign.
Hugs,
Jocelyn
OH Linny…my heart aches for you. You and your beautiful family will be in my prayers.
In Him,
Christy
Linny, I'm so sorry for your family's loss. You will all be in my prayers as will little Elliot. I pray God will comfort you all as only He can.
In Christ,
Karen
Linny,
I am so sorry to hear of this for your family and for Elliott. I can't imagine the heartache and pain and of course will keep you all in prayer. I can only believe that there is a reason God wanted you and your family praying for Elliott for three years and that without it, perhaps the situation for him could have been very worse. Praying for God's comfort and strength for you and DW.
Karen D.
I am so, so sorry. Sadly, we don't always get to understand the whys…and we just have to accept that (though it can be very difficult). We have been going through a hard time in our family too. Ultimately we must trust that our God will bring all things to right…in His time. I know you have, but give Elliot to Him daily if you have to…remember, He loves him more than you ever could…so you know that is a lot! Pray for him…that is one of the strongest tools we have that sometimes we (I) underestimate…that is the greatest gift you could ever give to Elliot. I am so sorry for this sad time in your family. I do hope you know that your heart inspires many on a weekly basis and I personally appreciate you sharing your story.
Love,
Jenn
Praying in Virginia…for hope and healing and a home for this special boy.
My heart grieves with you as I read your post in tears…while I obviously don't understand why he can't become a part of your family, I'm so very thankful that YHVH leads and when we obey Him, we understand how much heartbreak we avoided in the end. Hugs to you…I just became a foster mom…well kinsman family really…but I know I will be heartbroken when I have to give her back to her rightful parents. I pray Abba allows my heart to break for the things that break HIS heart…I want a heart like His, and reading your blog reminds me that others feel this way too! Praying for you all, for peace….
Oh, Linny. My heart is so sad with grief for your deep loss. My only consolation for you is that I know that Jesus is there weeping with you. I commit to lifting your family and Elliott up to our Lord. The same Lord who sets the lonely in families and binds the broken-hearted and sets the captives free.
As an adoptive and biological mother of four young children, I am hoping to adopt again, and your painful story does not deter; conversely, I feel even more strongly the desire to give another orphaned child a momma and a family name and a Hope.
May God lavish you with love and comfort as you seek His face and lean not on your own understanding.
In Christ,
Jody Fasnacht
Will be praying for all of you and sending you hugs. We also pursued a waiting child several years ago and the door was shut for our family to adopt her. Over a year later we were able to see her adopted by Christian friends of ours. What a blessing to see her find her forever family!! I pray that you are able to witness God matching Elliot with his forever family too. But I know you are grieving now and I will pray for your hearts and for sweet Elliott.
Carrie T. – mom to 4 from Korea
I am praying for you, your family, and Elliot. I will pray that God brings comfort and peace to your hearts and that He will watch over your little boy and I KNOW, without a doubt, that God has a very special plan for him.
i hope you are doing ok…been praying for you! <3
Dear Linny,
Praying for you, your sweet family and little Elliot. I can't imagine the grief, but I know God is taking care of you all!
Oh Linny, my heart breaks for Elliot. This little treasure is in God's hands, no matter the circumstances. He is loved by Christ and will be taken care of by his Heavenly Father forever. I am going to pray right now. For this little child and for your family. Sending long distance hugs.
Linny, so sorry for you and your family and for Elliott. Prayers for all of you.
So sorry…
Just like any good family meeting…hugs all around. I am so sorry, Linny. Knowing that the Father to the fatherless holds your sweet boy.
Barbra
my prayes are with you and your family and for all orphans…and my warmth and love for you and all you do through your blog. (((HUGS)))
I wish I could hug u and I also wish I could e-mail u. would u e-mail me? mkledington@gmail.com we have so much in common.
Praying for your family and precious Elliot during this difficult time.
oh Linny I am absolutely heartbroken and in tears right now for y'all. I can only imagine your heartache. But we know and hold fast to a God who loves him even more than you do. I know God has BIG plans for this precious boy, bigger than y'all. Aching with you and lifting you up right now.
~branda
Oh My Dear Sweet Blog Friend, Sending Jesus love to you.Asking the God of all comfort to comfort you.Janet
There are no words… just the arms of Jesus to bring the comfort your heart longs for. Please remember that there are many of us lifting you up!
Although our story is very different from yours, we too had to give up a set of boys we believed God to be bringing into our family and the pain was very real. I have no idea how God has worked in their situation, but continue to pray for them to this day. Perhaps that is one of the reasons why our paths even crossed.
Your testimony is a beautiful picture of God and his grace. Thank you for sharing Him with us even when the journey seems to hurt so much!
Honestly, no one has responded to this yet? I have only been reading your blog for about a month now. I read this the morning you posted it and had to step back and absorb the words. I can't even begin to imagine how painful this has to be for you and your family Linny, and I have been praying for you and that Eliott continuously. My heart breaks for you, but I know that your faith will carry you through this time, and you will emerge stronger and more determined than ever to continue the work you do so well.
Dear Linny,
I will be praying for the perfect home for this precious little boy that you love so dearly. I will also be praying for healing and hope for him. What an amazing mamma you have already been to him. You have given him the chance to be held up in prayer and loved by so many already.
Psalms 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Laurie
Praying for comfort and peace for your family and praying for a family for Elliot. I lost a daughter, not to the Lord but to another family as we did not have the right family dynamics for her (she needed to be the youngest or only). Even though she is healthy and happy I have lost her as my daughter. It does heal my heart to know that she is getting love and has a family who can help her through her trauma, a family with no small children for her to rage at. I just know that if Elliot can have a family that it will help to heal your hearts too. God led us to the daughter that we lost and He also told me that I did what He had intended me to do, I had brought her to this country and truly rescued her from a very bad situation, my part was completed. The Lord has given me peace and I pray that He will do the same for your family. There is a reason He led you this far and it will be amazing to watch His plan unfold.
Weeping in the Evening.
I've made plans for EM!
That he would come and make cookies with us and that no one would see his disease as a handicap!
That I would help Jen write great healthy guidelines for handwashing and childcare at our church so that no one would say we were not prepared for a child with his illness.
That I would hold another Saunders baby and welcome him to the neighborhood.
You have taught us to pray, "God break our heart with the those things that break yours." This breaking is to call us to action.
You've been called to the Orphan. Perhaps now you are being called to a deeper understanding of the Father's heart. Your heart breaks as His does in a new way.
At the hospital last week, I've grieved for the children who lay in hospital rooms alone. From newborns to teens. All alone.
No one – no child! – should be alone. Feeling horrible and scared.
I don't know what to do, but my heart is breaking!
That is a dangerous prayer you have taught us! Once we see the Father's heart, we can no longer be the same.
Praying for you all tonight.
Loving you friend. We may suffer from these icky diseases that hurt our muscles – but nothing hurts more than a mother's empty arms.
I am a lurker, a mother of a 20 year old son and 2 beauties that joined our family from China – my heart grieves for yours. I appreciate your transparency – and your love for ALL orphans – even when you just can't bring them home. You, Linny, are a miracle and a blessing and I am sure that "Elliot" will be blessed by our Heavenly Father!
Our thoughts and prayers are with you Linny!
Linny- My hubby and I have also "lost" an adoption of an older child, and know how profoundly it hurts. People are unsure how to handle the grief of a couple who has miscarried, and I think they are even less able to know how to deal with or comfort a couple who has "miscarried" an adoption. My family's prayers are with you and yours, and with little Elliot still in Uganda. I ask that God's touch help to heal your broken hearts. I am so sorry for your loss.
-Kerry
Dear Linny,
I have been following your blog off and on for many months now. I've never posted a comment before, but I just couldn't let such vulnerable sharing, such a sacrifice of love in the midst of your pain, go unacknowledged. First of all, I want to extend my heart-felt gratitude to you for availing yourself to the Lord to be used in such real, powerful and inspiring ways in my life and the lives of those fortunate enough to read your blog. Seriously, I, like so many other woman here, consider you a spiritual mentor. The things I've learned and the ways that God has spoken to me are priceless, worth more than pure gold to me.
Second, I want to encourage you to fear-not about this post. I know God will use it for good and protect these words from ever causing harm. I have utter faith that this will be so.
Lastly, I just want you to know that I will pray as you have asked. Something deep in me moves me to do so, as I share your experience of having a son that, after being 'my son' for a year, I had to relinquish (I raised him from birth to one year). It's hard to even put words to. I had to let him go? I had to say goodbye? These words just fail to name what it really is. It is the strangest sort of loss. It feels like a death… but yet the child still lives, in many ways making it so much more painful… Ah, there is so much I could say… but maybe this thing will bring the comfort I long for you to have (Oh God, God of all comforts, please be near). I felt the Lord give me a promise in the midst of the grief, “you may not get to spend your life here on earth with this child, but you will spend eternity with him in heaven.” Oh Lord, that you would be so gracious to this child… that you would pull him close to you, show yourself and your wondrous, healing love to this child. Ahh, there is so much more I am tempted to say, but, for now, just know that this 'sweet bloggie friend' is interceding for you and your family.
Love,
Coreen
Tears, just tears, that's all. Praying hard for your family and Elliot.
I'm so sorry. May God bring good into his life and peace into your soul
I'm so sorry for your loss!
I am so,so sorry. Praying healing prayers for you and life changing prayers for Elliot. Praying for you and the team as they make their way back to Uganda.
Blessings,
Julie Hoagland
I just tried to leave a comment and it was eaten, I so hope this works!
Linny I just read your email and popped over to catch up (I've been away!)- I am so so so so sorry, the grief you must feel, oh how I ache for you all. You all (including Moses) will be in my constant prayers.
((((((hugs))))))))
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
God orchestrated a meeting 3 years ago because every member of your family needed to love a specific sweet boy – Elliot. God moved in this way because it was critical to have the love of your family in order to live each day. Your family is special to Elliot even if he does not use the endearing terms "Mommy" and "Daddy". God knew before Elliot laid eyes on Graham how it all would play out. God has some plans for your dear son that you needed to play a part in.
I am praising the Lord for letting you meet and love your precious Elliot. Praise the Lord for the many times your family has gotten to connect with him. I pray now for our Lord to blanket your hearts with comfort and peace as you wade through this place you are in. Hold fast to Him! He will give you the word of assurance that you need. Bless you, precious friend.
Linny and Family, I had left a comment over the weekend, but I don't think it went through…But I have been praying! When I first heard you speak of something heart wrenching Elliot's name came to my mind and heart and I prayed for him and you guys. I have had to say no before too and it hurts like nothing other and I still think of them…I care and I love you guys, but God loves you a kazillion times more…my prayers are with you.
Carrie
Linny and family,
I am praying for you and little Eliot. Sometimes we just can't understand the why..but, know that God has a plan….
Linny, only God knows the why's and the reasons. Having been through a similar situation, I can identify with the grieving and the heartache. I can only trust Him with the one that I have lost and his future. I know that God can care for him even if I cannot. I met your sweet Emma and some of her friends in the Dallas airport this morning. I will be praying for them as they work and for you. Karen
So, I came across your blog and after reading this, I kinda know how you feel. Except we never had a face with our child, so to speak. Apparently, God had other plans for us even though we couldn't see it right then. God kept saying to me, "Trust Me". Over and over again for three years. It was at the end (i'm still seeing it today) that I saw the big picture, or at least some of it. I know its hard in the moment, I've been there. Just "Trust Me". (i'm not trying to sound cheesy or give the standard answer. But, that's what I learned and wanted to share it with you.)
Praying and grieving alongside you,
Giann