Itsy-Bitsy Baby Steps

James Dobson {founder of Focus on the Family} once wrote a book, “Parenting Isn’t for Cowards.”  Seriously, he wasn’t kidding, was he?  Whether these treasures come home through adoption, birth, foster children or anything in between, parenting takes oodles of wisdom.  The kind of wisdom that only Almighty God can give.

I have to tell you something.  Last week on Monday we had a very, very, very difficult day.  It was our little guy’s third full day with us.  It was a time of deep grieving and powerful emotions.   I fell sound asleep sitting up at 8:30pm.  Emotionally, I was beyond spent.  Grieving alongside someone is emotionally exhausting, and in this case, was physically exhausting as well.

I know that many choose not to talk about such things, but it is pie-in-the-sky to think that transitions are smooth and quick and before long all is well.  Jubilee’s addition as she turned 8 was tough.  And although all of us would love to ‘flip a switch’ and make all things beautiful, it’s just not reality.

Sharing our journey, although vague at times, will enable {prayerfully} for others to see the realities of life and to encourage us all to continue to work hard, because these kids are valuable treasures who need us to work with them on becoming whole adults.  Then, as they heal, they will be free to love others.  

We are so thankful for all of you who have been praying for our little guy and our family as we blend into a new larger family and, of course, for the family that brought him to the States.

Progress is being made and there is no doubt in this silver-haired momma’s head that it’s because of the power of prayer.  God moves when people pray – so thank you, thank you, thank you for praying.

Today, there was an itsy-bitsy bit of progress.  I whispered to Dw, “Did you see that?”  He had noticed.  Our hearts rejoiced.  Simple mini-bite-sized steps, but we are so grateful for each of them, even the partial steps.  

And soon, his picture!! 

58 thoughts on “Itsy-Bitsy Baby Steps

  1. Sometimes those little tiny moments can feel just big enough to get you through the next tough moment. They are like Gatorade for the soul. Just enough extra umph to get you to push yourself harder than you realized was possible.

    KK

  2. Thank you for sharing. I sit amazed at how God is using you. We have brought home only one treasure (not anywhere near what y'all have done!) But it is so encouraging hearing your stories. You guys always inspire me.

  3. THANK YOU for the honesty! When people only talk about the rosy side of anything, in this case adoption, it makes others (me included) feel like the problem is with themselves. Though that may be part of the truth, the whole truth is that adoption adjustments and attachment can be a very arduous road but just around the bend, there are rewards for our perseverance and prayers

    1. Well it is usually pride that keeps people from being honest and open. That being said, I definitely don't think people should be so honest on a public blog so that one day your child can read {what was posted for the world to read} about their very personal traumas and struggles. I share from a vague sort of sense. In person, I share much more openly, but still always protecting my children. Their story is their story to tell, if they should ever choose.

      Recently on our 6,200+ mile trip we met up with some blog turned to real life friends. The wife asked me something prefacing it with, "I've never seen you share about this particular situation on your blog"…I explained that my kids hearts are fragile…we are still parenting a bunch…I then shared openly our thoughts on the subject she was inquiring about…it was a great conversation…

      Hope that makes sense!

  4. Praying his little heart can open up to the power of God. It looks like that is starting to happen. Praise God!!!! It can be exhausting but oh so worth it and to see God's hands in it, so beautiful!!!

  5. We added an 8-y-o girl and a 14-y-o girl last fall, and the transition was terribly painful for the older one and quite easy for the younger one (eh, relatively speaking, anyway), but now we're starting to see some heavier fallout from the younger one. I'm not convinced that she understands just how permanent this change in her life really is. Then our two who have been with us since infancy (one was six months at adoption, the other ten months) continue to remind us every once in a while (tonight, even!) that their inner struggles with abandonment and transition are far, far from over. Sometimes I just cry and cry for all the loss, for them and for their future and for us as a couple and for all of us as a family and for the birth parents and for the foster parents. Some days are just so very hard. So as I read your post tonight, I can say that I have a small "window of understanding" on your struggles, even without knowing exact details, and I can empathize with you. But our God is amazing and good, and we pray for His full and merciful healing for all these little treasures.

    1. Yes, SleepyKnitter, we are in this together. The road is long. Abandonment and rejection is something that can pervade every area of life. We cry at the losses our children have experienced. But I cling to the story of Joseph. Abandon and betrayed by his brothers, separated from his adoring father, YET God uses it all for good. Such good!! He is always faithful and that story of Joseph is no accident. Joseph, as we know, forgives his brothers and encourages them to forgive themselves KNOWING that God sent him on ahead {enduring years of pain and imprisonment} to spare the lives of the very brothers who took his. I love that story!! LOVE IT. And God will work in all our pain to make beauty out of ashes. Bless you my friend.

  6. Aww…my dear sweet hubinator is in China with our TWO blessings and they come back in one week…and today our little man grieved HARD. He held him while he raged and cried and when he was done with those healing tears he was ready to go on with his day. Such a sweet boy and I am so glad he is healing!

  7. I'm so glad you posted this. I was actually thinking today that it would be really lovely if you posted about transitioning (especially an older child) into the home. We are in the process of adopting a 6 year old from another country and can only begin to imagine what that might look like.

  8. Thanks for posting this! I was just driving the car today and wishing that you might post something about bringing in an older child from another country and what that transition might look like. We are in the baby stages of adopting an older child internationally and can only begin to wonder what those challenges might look like.

  9. What an exciting, exhausting time this must be. I'm overjoyed for you with the addition of your latest son! What a perfect treasure from Jehovah-Jireh!
    Linny, these are already healing words which you've shared. We've not hidden that our second transition was bumpy, but many people do. I'm encouraged by your honesty here and your faithfulness to each child, in each crazy moment.
    We love you all!
    Miss you, too.

    1. I was wondering if you had seen the news. We ALWAYS miss you guys. We were talking about you just last night. A trip to Phoenix soon, perhaps? We could use some J & D fun. xoxo

  10. What an exciting, exhausting time this must be. I'm overjoyed for you with the addition of your latest son! What a perfect treasure from Jehovah-Jireh!
    Linny, these are already healing words which you've shared. We've not hidden that our second transition was bumpy, but many people do. I'm encouraged by your honesty here and your faithfulness to each child, in each crazy moment.
    We love you all!
    Miss you, too.

  11. I had been wondering if you had transition issues with some of your adoptions and if you had written about it. How awesome that you would be open enough to share some today. I will be praying for your newest treasure

    1. I honestly thought maybe you had very little or only mild transition issues, I don't know why I thouhgt that, maybe because you have so much experence or because of the way God specifically lead you to each one of your treasure. Thank you for pointing out how real and even messy life is at your house too. I adore you even more knowing you kept on following God and adopting more children even after some difficult transitions. Love and Prayers!

  12. Praying for your newest and all of you… for this process. And so very thankful that God has perfectly placed this precious kiddo with you at the perfect time.

  13. Thank you so much for always sharing your heart! So many times, what you say, ministers to me in such a special way. (Today was an especially hard day so you did it again!) You are so right about the difficulties that we face through adopting broken children, but it only reminds me that I am a broken child also adopted! I wish more people were honest so that as other's begin their journey they won't feel alone and they would have confidence in their parenting, being able to trust God instead of being tricked by the enemy into believing they are failing. Truth! THANK YOU!!!

  14. Praying for all of you, Linny. So thankful for those "little" steps. We have found that many times, those extremely, difficult days are the ones that produce the most growth. It's so hard to go through it though. The Lord is with you "every" step! Love ya!

  15. Praying. We have six treasures, five through adoption. This last one has been by far the most trying. E came home at age 4 1/2. The others came home as babies/toddlers. It's fairly easy to transition a baby into the mix, but an ACTIVE 4 year-old… He has been home about 20 months now, and I think things are FINALLY starting to settle. Granted, all of ours have made fairly easy transitions, but even with the bumps, it's worth it! Savor those baby steps!!

    1. Well I'll be real honest. Jubilee had the most difficult transition, followed by Tyler, who came home as a four month old. I am convinced that age doesn't matter. It's much deeper than that. I do believe Tyler's transition prepared me for Jubilee's and they both prepared me for this little guys. God never wastes anything, no doubt. xo

  16. Praising God for any steps… itsy bitsy ones as they come and bigger ones:) Thanks Linny for "Keeping it Real" I think we all benefit from that by knowing it isn't a cake walk all days, sometimes any days:):)We are thrilled for you and thrilled this little guy who gets to call you all his family! We will continue praying for God to be all over this precious little guys transition and for all of you who love him through it! Can't wait to see his pic:) Much love!

  17. Definitely praying for you guys! We are in the process of getting licensed for foster care in our state, so we are about to be thrust into the world of parenthood and attachments grief and transitions ourselves! I know the grieving process is hard, but hang in there. I know God is going to do mighty things in and through your son- just looking at how God brought him to you is pretty incredible!

  18. Linny, thank you for sharing. And thank you for the reminder in your comments. I admit that at times, I am curious as to the "transition" troubles you face – or even how your newest treasure made it to your home if another family brought him overseas. Not necessarily to be nosy, but just curious for my own future. But reading your words to another poster on protecting your treasures and how it will one day be their stories to share was just a reminder that God is in it all and He'll help work out any kinks and always provide a way to travel through along His path and His will. Thank you to God for his own gentle rebuke on just being in His presence and praying others through that as well. (Hope that remotely makes sense.) -Heather

    1. And if we were in person, I would share a bunch more, but always protective of my kid's hearts. We've had people {already} ask right in front of him, "why didn't they want him?" We have not answered that question. And although he does not speak English yet, we are certain he understands A LOT. xo

  19. Praising God that He has given you the wisdom to know this. He builds families and does everything in His time – and this situation is proof we can see here on earth. Thanks for sharing your story and allowing us to pray (and praise) alongside you all.

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