Well Behaved {or Maybe Not}

A couple of months ago I received an email from
What to Expect.com. 

What to Expect was wondering if I would be willing 
to be a guest blogger for them?
The subject was up to me, it just had to be about paraenting
and it had to be something fresh. 
Immediately I knew what I would write about,
a subject near and dear to my heart.
The article was published yesterday and 
for those interested, they’ve titled it:

16 thoughts on “Well Behaved {or Maybe Not}

  1. That was an excellent article!! I hope it is well-read as it contains so much wisdom. As a mom to many myself, I'm afraid I often lacked in wisdom, but I can say they grew up to be decent hard-working people thanks to the grace of God!

    Blessings

  2. That's so awesome Linney! I'm excited you had a chance to share your wisdom. And what good advice it is too!

    My daughter is by far my busiest child, always has been. but no one believes she is because at school or at a friend's house she knows what behavior is expected of her and is respectful. She saves her mischieviosness for us I guess. 🙂

  3. Excellent article!!! And so true…same thing we have done with our children as well and have been rewarded by having a lot of fun together and hearing others compliment our children. Like everyone, children need to know what is happening and what are the expectations. Love to read more of your writings.

  4. I have been lurking arund here for a good few months now, working up the courage to post something finally 🙂

    First thoughts – wow what a fantastic article and from a perspective that I have not really come across before, most parents i know have the rewards or the or else approach!! Definitely something I will be reading again in the future when I eventually become a mom.

    Oh and how is your Emma doing?? Usually I link over to her blog from yours but I see she has gone totally private, I'm assuming something to do with her Divine Gift {congrats by the way}

    You and your family are such an inspiration, for someone who didn't find their true family until they were in their teens and still sturggles to escape the past it is such a breath of fresh air to read from you and about your fiercely loving family!

  5. This is so great Linny! I love that they shared the link to your blog too. What a great way to reach more people with your testimony of a life lived for Christ! I loved your article too! I just did this today at church before I had to take them along to talk to my pastor…unfortunately mine didn't follow through on the expected behavior. What do you do in that case? I definitely need to be more consistent about doing this in all areas. Thanks for the advice!

  6. I am SOOO on board with your methods…nice to know that I am not alone in doing the same thing. People used to come to us in restaurants, just like you (although I only have the ONE child!) My reply was "Well, she has no idea she has any other choice THAN to behave!" ShaoXi knew what to expect BEFORE we went somewhere, and she never EVER let me down, sweet girl!

    Hugs to you…hey, BTW…what's up with Emma's blog?

    Nancy & ShaoXi

  7. Thanks for the wise counsel. This is something we have not consistently been good at, and it shows in the behaviour of our children at times. it is something I have been trying to figure out, and you put it so clearly. I have already been practicing today. :o).

  8. Great article! I try not to be a mom that compares myself to other moms, but inevitably it happens on occasion. As I read your article I was thinking, "Gee, I should apply these things to my parenting, so I can be as good a mom as Linny." On occasion I have had one or more of my kids behave like the little girl you described on the plane, and it has happened on occasion that I am to tired or overwhelmed to deal with bad behavior and just ignore it like the mom. I felt a little of that mom guilt of not measuring up. 🙁 I try so hard to avoid false guilt and false feelings of inadequacy.

    The Lord graciously reminded me this morning of an evening a couple of years ago, Todd was out of town and being too tired to cook, I took the kids out to dinner at Cheeburger, Cheeburger. The service was slow and we were quite hungry. But my bigs and I sat and talked and the bigs helped care for the littles and helped keep them occupied. Finally, our food came and there were a couple of mistakes and waited again as they fixed the mistakes. Just as we were finishing our meal the waiter came to me and said that a gentleman in the restaurant had paid for our meal because he was so impressed by my kids' exceptional behavior!

    So, I throw off my self-imposed false guilt, and am now able to look more objectively at my parenting to say, there are times when I need to be more consistent in my expectations and in following through when my children aren't behaving as they should. But overall, I think Todd and I are doing well.

    Thanks for the reminder of how much power expressing expectations can have! More often than not you get exactly what you expect from kids!

  9. Dear Linny ~ I actually do not want my comment published b/c I intended to email you privately, but I could not find a link to email you (sorry if I missed it). I did not want to appear confrontational or as if I'm trying to throw you under the bus in front of your readers. To the contrary, I have great respect for you & have been inspired by your family as I've followed your story. However, I have to tell you that this article seemed to be lacking some grace. I TOTALLY get what you're saying about giving children expectations, etc., b/c we do the same. No rewards, no bribes, just this is how it is. But sometimes all is not as it seems. Sometimes when we see "uncalled for & ridiculous behaviors" in children, there are many underlying wounds in either the child and/or the parent. What if the mother on the plane had never been modeled proper parenting? What if she had been beaten into submissive behavior as a child, therefore choosing to vow never to so much as look cross-ways at her own? What if she was preoccupied with grief over some sort of family turmoil? What if the child has ADHD or some other underlying issue that triggers or overstimulates her? What if she spent her first few years in foster care & this is her first shot at traveling with a Mommy?

    I guess I was just disappointed b/c the way I interpreted the article, it came across pretty judgmental of parents that don't appear to have followed the Great Expectations model or some other form of excellent parenting strategy, thus the resulting less-than-acceptable behavior of their children. Unfortunately, even some of the best parents I know have encountered children that have gone through being strong-willed or rebellious stages. I, myself, have survived a strong-willed (bio) child who just graduated college & is teaching children with the most severe special needs. But it was a loooong journey teaching me that by biggest parenting tool is the Lord. The same holds true for parenting children from hard places. Some of them figure out life in a family quickly while others have to retest the same waters over & over & over again. We have a son that's currently struggling with doing the right thing, even if we're not looking over his shoulder. Is it because we haven't given him great expectations? No. It's because he grew up learning to survive on his own, & some of those learned behaviors & wounds are hard to set aside.

    Again, I'm not professing to be a perfect parent nor am I trying to be mean (I can't stand confrontation, actually, so just typing this makes me sweat). I actually waited the whole weekend before writing b/c I wanted to prayerfully consider & process what you wrote. We have 9 children, & I truly believe we've had to tweak things to fit each individual child's needs, personality, temperament, etc. I have always loved the way that you tell it like it is & stand firm in your convictions, but I just felt like in this in particular instance, grace was missing in the equation as we encounter others whose children are less than a blessing to those around them. Sometimes, things aren't as cut & dried as they may appear in the moment of a child acting out. Additionally, I hate for parents, new or struggling, to feel like they just aren't measuring up in the eyes of those that might be looking on.

    Blessings ~ Dardi

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>