I have had such a wonderful time with the questions that have come in for the Question and Answer series. Who would’ve guessed so many of you had so many questions?
My prayer is that this will serve as a kind of mentoring, since that’s kind of what the Lord has turned our Place Called Simplicity into. And clearly, it’s all Him!
First off though, I am not an expert. I am merely sharing thoughts and what has worked for us on any given topic.
With that being said, I think I am going to have to divide some of these up, because if I didn’t most would fall asleep {not because your questions are boring, just because there were that many!} Ha!
So let’s dive in to one of my most favorite topics ever:
Adoption
I decided to leave the questions exactly as people asked them {most of the time}….so here goes and in no particular order:
Have you ever considered or been involved with foster care/adoption?
We actually have been foster parents twice. Once, when Autumn was about a year old. A woman came with a friend to Dw’s law office seeking help. He answered her legal questions {which had nothing to do with her children}. A few months later she got wind that DSS was coming to take her kids away. Although he had only met her during that one office consultation she called to see if we would be willing to take her little boy? We drove in the dead of night into downtown Buffalo to pick up a very scared little two year old. DSS quickly approved us {we had already adopted Tyler and Autumn} and this little guy was with us for a season. When I talk of him, I cannot hold back the tears. We would have kept him, but the Lord had other plans. We were obedient. I pray for him when he comes to mind. He would be 24 now.
Then when Liberty was a baby we fostered a 14 year old girl for a year. It was one of the hardest years of my/our family’s life. If she had wanted to be part of our family we would have adopted her also.
Would you recommend it?
I would definitely recommend foster care. Listen, kids need a stable family who loves the Lord. God desires us to meet the needs, period. Domestic adoption, Foster care, International adoption, it is all in the “obedient” category.
Scripture is clear…we are all supposed to do something. Some will foster, some will adopt, some will foster/adopt, some will adopt internationally, some will help others doing it, some will provide respite care….I just have a hard time, after reading scripture to see that there is much opting out with the orphan. It’s about a lifestyle of action, and yes, sometimes it is downright painful.
Your feeling on open adoption and domestic adoption where bio families often change there mind.
We had an adoption where the bio mom changed her mind at the last minute. It was extremely painful but God works in our hearts in whatever circumstance we find ourselves in. There is no where in scripture that our lives are our own, nor is there anywhere that our lives are supposed to be comfortable. It’s all about obedience. If a bio mom changes her mind, He will comfort and He will provide for every single need one has. It could even be to be a support to the bio mom in her new decision.
Two of our treasures were adopted as “Open Adoptions” and we are so thankful for this privilege. Each birth mom is honored in our home and we have had each in our home at one time or another.
When we were adopting each of our treasures through open adoption, I told the bio moms, “You are welcome to call in the middle of the night, anytime during the day, anytime. Whenever you are wondering if this little one is okay, please call. You have given us the ultimate gift, we cannot thank you enough.”
We have great relationships with both moms and we are so grateful for that. I highly recommend open adoptions to anyone considering it. When we put ourselves in a bio mom’s shoes…and think about what it would really be like to hand over your sweet treasure for the rest of their life, Open Adoption seems like the most loving response to a domestic adoption.
Our birth moms were immediately put at ease…they could have contact as often as they wanted…
and it worked well.
Do you think it’s wise to take out a loan for the purpose of adoption?
Oh my.
The loaded question.
Well, remember this is my thoughts…but I really have a difficult time thinking of a loan when we have a God who calls us to care and love the orphan…why would He not provide for us to do that? I sometimes think people panic and take a loan, when trust says, “I will wait on YOU Lord.”
Remember in the Old Testament the Israelites would come to know a different character of the nature of God and thus call Him a new name like: Jehovah Jirah {God as provider}….well many years ago God became known to us as Jehovah of the Last Second. He seems to love to show us His mighty power at the very Last Second.
In fact, when we were bringing the babies home from Africa we found ourselves in a tricky situation regarding flights and the Last Second had run out…and suddenly He showed up….so now we call Him – Jehovah of Over Time…cause when we think the Last Second has passed, He shows up in Over Time.
On the same token, I have seen adoptions {as well as other things} provided for as we wait and trust. Face it, applying for a loan has to be done quite a bit before the adoption is complete…could it be that His Last Second or Over Time provision never came because a loan was thought the only option?
My heart has no intention of stepping on toes, but if we take a loan is it possible that we are saying, “I don’t really trust you this time.” And God steps back and says, “Okay, I had it covered, but since you stepped in and took care of it, I’ll step back.” Hmmm. Maybe.
It’s all about stewardship and I do believe that God’s word is clear about one other somewhat touchy topic: tithing. It is the only challenge He lays down in scripture.
And truly, I have heard it over and over and over from people: “We can’t afford to tithe.” To which I reply: “Dudes and dudettes: You cannot afford NOT to tithe.”
I started tithing as a young girl. When we were married it was non-negotiable from day one. We never missed a tithe. Not even once. Dw was in law school, and amazingly we never ever took a loan.
We started a law practice on our own, and not once did we take a loan {and all the books said it couldn’t be done}. We packed up a successful law practice and went to seminary. We did not take a loan to live. We trusted Him and He provided miraculously.
We planted a church many years ago without a promise of a drop of income. He provided over and over without a loan. We now live by faith alone as missionaries to the orphan. He will always provide.
Can you seriously imagine a loving father who would require one thing: obedience in all things….who would say, “Yeah, I know you obeyed me, but watch how mean I can be? I am so gonna’ ruin your day!” Not a chance! God is God and He promises that those who obey {and tithing is obedience} He will open up the windows of heaven and POUR out His blessings us! And we are living proof that He means what He says!
Should the adoption be fully funded before applying?
Absolutely not! Step out in faith and start the process…and then watch and see how He provides. We sold everything that wasn’t nailed down {and lost the rest in the fire!} and each adoption we started we had zero money toward it. Yet, miraculously {because He is most definitely NOT a Deadbeat Dad} we have successfully adopted 9 of our 12 children without ever taking a loan {seven of which were on a pastor’s income}. He is soooo faithful!
Have you ever had criticism from your extended family or friends due to your adoption decisions?
We definitely have had criticism from people in our lives. In the early days what they said hurt. It just plain hurt. But as the years passed and we became even more convicted about God’s heart for the orphan, the comments were taken in a new light. Truthfully, most people just don’t “get it”. There is a prevalent world view and it flows through the church today as well that “it’s all about me”. Think about it, even the ‘self-help’ groups are focused on their name – “self”.
I am convinced that the best thing people struggling with just about anything can do – is to do something for orphans, those in foster care and widows. When our eyes are off ourselves we see life a whole lot more realistically.
Anyway, I wrote this post “What If My Family Really Isn’t Into It”..which was from the heart of God. The beauty of blogs and the web is that for those in places where there is not a ton of support, the virtual community is a great place to find encouragement.
Did it cause any division or break in relationships?
No. However if we were to take offense, it would cause a break in relationships. However, if someone else pulls away, then it’s their problem. We are called to love. And in spite of the comments, insinuations and whispers, we press on doing what God’s called us to do. He is faithful.
Thank you. I read your other post. I am glad you both followed the One who moves hearts. Thanks for taking the time to mentor…a Mom of Many for sure!
Sandy in the UK
Great Q&A LInny. Very informative.
I have to tell you, about my new job. I THOUGHT the Lord would be providing a secretarial job, that is what I am trained in and this summer I interviewed for several. I kept telling the Lord "Put me where YOU want me." Yet none of the jobs came thru and I started back working in the school cafeteria…UNTIL a friend I had worked with at another school called me to tell me about some openings working with the special ed kids at an elementary school. I applied, interviewed, really liked the teachers and asst principal that I interviewed with, they were so passionate about what they do. I was offered the position and I asked the assist principal what the hourly wage was and he said he didn't know, HR would have to answer that. Then he asked if that would be a part of my decision, I hesitated just for half a second and remembered I had been praying for God to place me where HE wanted me. I accepted the position without knowing what my hourly wage would be. I did not find out until almost 3 weeks into my new job – which I absolutely LOVE – get this LInny…I am making a $1 more an hour than I was in the cafeteria! Isn't that just like God? I was obedient, I went where HE sent me and HE provided a raise! I started tithing 10% of my small salary and I have had money left over at the end of each payday!!!
It is so awesome!
Blessings,
Suzanne
I pray people please consider adopting from Foster Care. I had always prayed that my husband's heart would change for adoption. He wasn't against it, but just worried about other things. 14 months ago he looked at me and said to start the adoption paperwork, but instead of China, like I had thought, he wanted to go through foster care. Now it was time for ME to pray for my own heart to change. The paperwork and classes took about 6 months in our state. Once we were approved we waited another 7 months – which is incredibly hard to do when you know there are children waiting. We weren't looking for a baby, or any particular ethnicity, but we wanted a boy (we have 4 girls) or brothers between the ages of 4 and 8. Last week they asked us about a 9 year old boy, and we decided to move forward. Today we met him for the first time, and we are certain we have just met our son. We are so thankful that we started this process. Adoption from anywhere is the most amazing opportunity, not just for the child, but for your whole family.
Oh Linney, you are such a kindred spirit!
Great post! I so needed this.
If you can't afford to tithe, you can't afford to adopt!
We were some at least who stepped out in faith for the money to adopt, tried all fundraisers and nothing was working to even get the process started. He has since blessed us w/ biological children so I believe that was the best course for us.
Speaking of can you email me with your address I need to send you something. Love all this mentoring.
We just finished our foster care training in August with an agency that works specifically with special needs children. we have learned in our years of working in Social Services that it is very very difficult to find a family that will foster a child with special needs. 3 weeks ago we got a call about a little girl and were given an hour to decide. Little did we know what we had entered into when we said "yes" to taking her. It has been the most difficult tear-filled 3 weeks of my life but we have been so blessed to have her in our home. We don't know what her future holds but we pray that we are a blessing to her while she is with us.
We have had 12 foster kids through our home — 2 never left!
I can't remember if I've already asked this on a previous post, but my question is:
Since you cannot adopt every orphan, how do you "choose" to adopt one and not another?
We are actually going to be travelling soon for our first adoption and so I've been feeling like I have a bit of an answer on that question now. At the beginning of the process, I was praying a lot and it was quite the conundrum. And then a little boy out of left field (with cerebral palsy, not something we were looking for), just grabbed a hold of my heart and suddenly I felt a great peace to pursue him. But still, I'd love to hear some wisdom on the topic from you!