After reading your responses to the little boy at the
pool incident, I’ve felt that
it would be good to share some other things that
have happened in an effort to prepare those who have yet to encounter similar situations in the future.
I do not like to be taken by surprise when it comes
to my kids. My guess is that you don’t either.
I always want to be as prepared as possible.
But face it, sometimes people’s comments/questions
dumbfound me and leave me reeling….
“They did not really just say that?”
Take me by surprise once, but doggone it, I will be as
prepared as possible for time number two.
There will be no second surprise, if I can help it.
Here’s the reasoning behind being prepared:
God is our Father.
He lovingly cares and protects us.
In fact, one of my favorite scriptures is:
“The name of the LORD is a strong fortress;
the godly run to him and are safe.”
Proverbs 18:10 nlt
If we are scared, hurt, frightened, troubled, fearful, anything, we can run to Him, because we are safe.
God, as our father, shows us the pattern for our lives. When we give our lives to Christ we become part of His family.
He protects us.
He comforts us.
He is the perfect Dad.
Our responsibility as parents is not only to prepare
our kids for life by how we respond to things, but, no doubt,
it is to protect our kids as they grow.
I am so grateful that when people say mean or hurtful things I can run to my heavenly Father for comfort, for protection, for encouragement and yes, for wisdom.
So I thought I would tell some of our personal stories
things people have said or done since we brought
our first treasure home from Korea 26+ years and then give you all a chance to think about it and leave comments on how you could’ve/would’ve/should’ve done to handle it….
and then I will do a second post about what we chose to do.
Your thoughts and ideas are important to all of us,
as adoptive parents.
There is no ‘perfect’ thing to say when someone
says or does something to our kids.
And as different as each person is,
so will the responses be.
Actually I remember posting about something
a very, very, very cruel adult did to our Jubilee
when she was first home. Your responses gave
me some ideas on what I could say should
there be a next time.
So please, don’t just sit on the sidelines.
Throw in your thoughts, because they may give someone a better idea on how to handle their personal situation.
Our Place Called Simplicity is getting a long, long, long
overdue makeover
{it is lookin’ so stinkin’ good I am giddy with delight!}
and soon there will be an entire section devoted
to “Adoption” and this little series of posts
will be part of that…
so in the future people needing ideas for their own
situation could even use your thoughts as a
reference themselves, so kindly talk away!
First situation coming up next….
Wonderful idea! I'll read them all to keep in mind as I wait to hear if God has called us to adopt. <3 & hugs 🙂
Just found your blog and your family is beautiful! Can't wait to catch up on your story.tio:)
What a fantastic idea! Thanks! It's so hard to believe that our son will hear awful things, but better to be prepared. I've already had the most ludicrous questions about our adoption and he's not even home so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
One of the things I have said to myself, and to my boys, over and over again, is "How sad for that person. How sad that they think/believe/act in certain ways that are unkind and unloving. We need to pray for them." Then we pray, that God will be with them, that He will show them His truth, that He will lead them to Himself, the lover and healer of all souls. I really want my kids to understand that hatred is a sickness, and people who say those things are speaking out of the sickness of their hearts. I want them to know that our Jesus is yes, the eternal fortress and protector, but also the eternal lover of ALL souls, and He wants healing for those souls, just like he wants healing for my sick heart.
I know it's kind of crazy, but ever since the post about Elizabeth, I have been praying for that little boy and his family. I'm praying that he and his dad will be at the pool every single time you go. I'm praying that your kids will be having SOOO much fun that that little guy will be dying to hang out with you. I'm praying that the love of Jesus will reach down and touch and heal his heart, and that he, in turn, will minister to his dad. I'm praying that Elizabeth will be the one to lead this little guy to Jesus (and that God will protect her sweet heart from his hurtful words). May God be with you bump up against people and as you minister in the mission field He has given you.
I'll be looking forward to it. I have not adopted yet as I am only 20 years old, but it is definitely in my future. I'm happy for the opportunity to start thinking about and learning ways to handle all the difficult situations that I am sure will arise.
So excited for these posts! My mom will be very happy as well, on your post about the boy at the pool we were both reading some of the comments because we know when I have a baby brother/sister/both from Uganda, we're going to hear that… 🙁
Sadly it isnt just adopted children who come in for unpleasantness and thoughtlessness from unkind people. If a child has any sort of differences/deformities/call it what you will, there will always be someone who remarks on it.
My son had a birthmark on his face when he was young, and a thoughtless lady said 'What have you done to your face'? He replied, very calmly that it was a birthmark. She was mortified.
So stinkin' excited about this… Thanks Lin!
I started using the internet regularly when we started our daughter's adoption. I have learned so much from reading blogs that it would have been great to know they existed before our grown children were born:)
What I have learned throughout life, as a minority, is that there are all types of people in the world. And in many ways we need all of them, the good, the bad and the ugly. All of these instances teach us lessons. Some good and some bad, but all are needed in order to build who we are supposed to be. As a child, I was teased for looking different, for sounding different, dressing different, you name it, I lived it. I was already traumatized to be in this new country and leaving my father behind. But if there is one thing I learned from my family is that, at the end of the day, the only opinions that matter are God's and our own. If I was living a life that God wanted me to live and I felt good about myself, all was good. See, understanding right from wrong early allowed me to not take those comments personally. I understood them to be wrong, they were wrong, I was not any of those things and I was sure of that. We raised our children the same way. Times are different now and the area where we live is very mixed, there is a little of everything. But every once in a while we encounter people that say inappropriate things about adoption and I have picked up a few replies from bloggy friends.We have had to separate ourselves a little from family and friends that unintentionally make comments that could potentially be hurtful to our daughter and at the same time educate them, but sometimes I don't know how to respond and reading how you all handle it is priceless to me.
Daisy
I love this idea. I read a blog post once about how people have responded to peoples odd comments about large families that was very helpful to me. I am sure this will be helpful as well. Some people's words are filled with grace. I need to learn that.
Megan
I'm glad that this will be a series of posts. However, as the white (step)daughter of a black man, the white (half)sister to two beautiful mixed children, the white wife of a wonderful Mexican-American man, I can say that these comments no longer surprise me. This blog is a wonderful outlet for wisdom and advice, just never forget that those outside of white privilege have been dealing with these sorts of things for hundreds of years. It is important that we all become advocates for those around us, especially but not limited to our children.
xoxo, adri
oooohhhhh! As a mama bear myself, I would so like to lash out and say something unkind, but all I can think of is that I teach my children that God can only do good (as He is the standard of good) and He created a beautiful bouquet of people just like he created a bouquet of flowers from a field. He sees our hearts, not our skin.
As a foster mom, we are having some of the same confrontations (albeit much more subtle). It actually started with our first DYFS worker who asked us "Will you take children of different race from our own?" We smiled and replied "yes". She then asked if we would accept African-American children. Confused (since we had just answered that question) we paused and emphasized "yes".
My dh and I have always said we want a "rainbow"! And honestly, dear sister – I will be gleaning any help that I can get for responses as well :o)
Linny,
Yes I have been "Lurking" for several months now but felt is was time to reveal :-). I so enjoy reading your blog and it truly has brought me closer to the Lord. Thank you for keeping it real and making me think! Your family is beautiful in everyway.
Eleanor Hyder
Jacksonville, Fl
Dana – "a beautiful bouquet of people just like he created a bouquet of flowers from a field" I love this thought and had to tell you.
It'll be good to hear the comments. We've had our son home for almost 3 years now and haven't heard anything very negative at all! I'm so glad for that, but as he starts school next year, I wonder if there will be any comments that he'll encounter…
BTW, your new blog design looks simply beautiful! I love, love, love the pics of your family! Seeing them all shining at the top of the blog is just wonderful!!!