Written:  Friday, January 13th, 2012

Sitting cross-legged on Ruby’s bed up here in the ICU in the early morning hours of the day that she is scheduled for her 5th brain surgery and there are all kinds of thoughts 
whirling around my head…..  

In fact, this is my third blog post I’ve begun in the last 20 minutes.  

Each of the others are things I want to talk about,

 but yet, I feel too antsy.  

My mind is all hippity-hoppity.  

I’m just going to try my best to convey, in a way that makes some semblance of sense, what’s on my heart.  
Personal thoughts.  

But thoughts that I think just must be shared.

I’ve been thinkin’ how I wish I could stand on a platform with the entire world as the audience.  I would gently hold up our Ruby Grace and show her to the world.  Then I would tell them how this once 6 pound and 11 month old bundle turned our world upside down and how we couldn’t be more grateful!  

I know I would be choking back tears.

I would be hoping that they would ooooh and 
aaaah like there was no tomorrow.  

I feel desperate to have people see what we see.  

Once abandoned.  

Dying.  


Only alive by God’s infinite grace.  

The unbelievable joy that Ruby brings our family 
and each person who crosses her path.  

No doubt, Ruby is loved by many. 

Those up close.  

And those who’ve never even met her 
{like most of you!}  

A beautiful treasure whose entire body now wiggles with excitement.  A tiny gem who is learning to say, “dadadada”….The little one whose smile could melt even the coldest glacier heart around.   

Picture taken 1/1/2012

Isn’t it crazy what God’s love does?

Yesterday Dw was mentioning how, as we were walking beside Ruby’s bed as she was rolled down the hall for yet another CT scan he was overcome with so much emotion for her he started to cry.  

Isn’t it crazy how His love overtakes you?

As Christmas was approaching this past year I was thinking a lot about the Virgin Mary.  I was wondering how she must have felt when she really understood that she was carrying the Christ-child.

I don’t remember having ever really meditated on Mary’s feelings.  But somehow this Christmas I was likening my feelings of being chosen to be Ruby’s mom and thinking that Mary had to have felt so very humbled.  So honored.  

Did Mary wonder:  “Why was I chosen?”
{Just like so many of you have thought about parenting, I know!}

Cause that’s what I’ve thought a thousand times over.

I am absolutely certain that I didn’t do anything to 
‘deserve’ to be Ruby’s mama
or any of my treasure’s mommy for that matter.  
Why do I know for certain?
Cause
I’m not that good.  
Truly. 
 I know me.  
I am definitely not that good. 

I was telling Dw the other day…..after Ruby and I 
walked alone to the drug store to pick up a few things.  

Just Ruby and I.

Pushing her stroller, talking and singing to her as we walked.  When I got to the drug store I lifted her out and carried her all through the store for about an hour – cause I just know how much she loves mommy’s touch and down deep, being perfectly honest…I wanted everyone to see her.  Up close. To gaze on her beauty.  I talked to her as I carried her, pushing the stroller with my tummy and browsing through my new 
neighborhood drug store.

As I pushed her down the street through 
the neighborhood I was almost floating. 

Truly. 

Beaming.

Giddy.

Smiling from ear to ear and thinking once again:

“I’m the most blessed woman in the entire universe….I’m a 53 year old silver-haired mommy to a teeny-tiny-only-alive-by-the-grace-of-God-miracle-gift-from-His-most-gracious-hand.”  

Wanting to call to the people who passed us by:  


“Hey you – over there – I know you don’t me but don’t you want to come take a peek and just gaze at her beauty?  Don’t you want to see her?  She’s a miracle.  She’s the most gorgeous miracle alive!?” 

I have whispered more times then I could count,

“Lord, 
How did you happen to choose us for this honor?  
Why would we have been entrusted with such a privilege? 
 I am humbled beyond words.  
I am blessed beyond measure, 
my heart is overjoyed.” 


The rhetorical questions have no answers. 
But I do know this:  
All day long He hears me whisper, 
“Thank you, Thank you, thank you.”  

From the bottom of my heart and with every fiber of my being, thank you.  I love you Lord.  You gave me a prophetic word on November 13, 2006…
‘The best days of your life are ahead of you.’  
You weren’t kidding, Lord.  
Thank you for forever and ever.