Surgery {again}

Miss Jubilee had surgery this morning.  


This time it was an exploratory to figure out what 
exactly seems to be going on.

Her surgeon is amazing and one of the kindest men
 I’ve ever met in the medical field.

Which brings me to an interesting point and I merely share what happened to us, in an effort to encourage other moms in a similar situation, should anyone else need encouraging.

This is my experience and only my experience. 

This morning I mentioned to the surgeon that I wanted to be able to go into the Operating Room with Jubilee to see her to sleep.  He said he didn’t have any problem with it, but that the Anesthesiologist {Mr. A} would have to give approval.

So when Mr. A came by to chat, we visited for a minute or so 
and I mentioned that I wanted to go in with her to hold her till she went to sleep.  

He immediately objected.  

I need to mention that in days gone by I would have 
shrunk back and allowed Mr. A to have his way.  
However, I am becoming a better advocate for my kids 
{finally – this silver hair is paying off!}.
I went on to mention that Jubilee’s past had been 
rough and she was still learning to trust me/us, not to
mention her significant delays put her in a different
situation all together.  

Anyway, a couple of minutes ensued of his sort of 
lecturing me on how detrimental it was for me to be in 
there until she was asleep.

I gently explained that I had been with others of mine when they ‘went to sleep’ in surgery and was really able to handle it without any emotion.

He wasn’t budging much {but neither was I} and then went on to mention some study that was done on kids whose parents take them back, etc.  I looked him in the eye and said, “A study is a study but this is not a study, this is my daughter.”
I mentioned that Jubilee was one of a dozen and most were adopted and so I understood probably better about trust issues among older adopted children and that this situation would be considered not part of a ‘average study’.  

He then said that he had been doing this for 30 years {he was probably about 40ish, so he must have had a really early start at being an Anesthesiologist}.  *smile*   

I did not back down because I am learning to advocate and also, I have gone back many times when the kids have had their surgeries.  In our family, it is the best way for our kids to go to surgery for our family.  And it’s okay if you are a medical professional and you feel otherwise.  It’s just what works best for us.  

I appreciate, sincerely I do, all the thoughts of what’s considered best for my child, but really, I know them best.  

Mr. A finally asked if I was aware that her eyes might roll around in her head?  I smiled and said I was okay with her eyes rolling around in her head.   I could handle it.

He then relented and said it was okay. 

She went to surgery kicking and screaming, but I was right there with her assuring her that it would be okay.  I held her as she took deep {screaming} breaths into the mask that put her to sleep.  

I gently laid her down and walked out and they did their stuff.

I was thankful for the strength and grace God gave to see it through with this particular Anesthesiologist.  It really wasn’t a biggie to allow me in there.  

I have been timid in the past to exert what’s in the best interests of my kids, however, I am slowly learning that it’s okay to advocate and defend them and protect them…even if someone else thinks otherwise.  

After all, we are not “a study”… the end of the day, we are their mommy and daddy…and we are making the best decisions for them given all their personal situations, which is our God-given responsibility.

And for anyone chicken to advocate – you can do it too. 

PS  Her eyes didn’t roll around in her head.      

25 thoughts on “Surgery {again}

  1. I have been in there when the did the anesthesia in one of her hospitals, (differs by hospitals- oh and I believe this was the first surgery we endured together). That hospital had me lay her down and they put her to sleep. She began hiccupping and even though I knew what it was it still freaks you out- looked like she was gasping for air. Then the anesthesiologist took off her mask and told me to kiss her. My resolve faded fast at that point! lol (BUT I held my composure…I don't see why Mr. A was making such a stink!)

    Her last few surgeries I wasn't allowed back, but Annie didn't mind. If it becomes an issue for her, I'll fight like you. Way to go Mama!

    While watching her put to sleep was hard, handing her over awake is equally as traumatizing for me! SO, they should do what is best for the PATIENT! If they need their mama, let them have their mama!

  2. My daughter had pneumonia a few years ago. We had been at the doctors office about three hours including the time it took to get xrays when the physicians assistant decided she needed to be admitted to the hospital. It was on a weekend and since she was only a physicians assistant we were going to have to go to the hospital and go to the emergency room. I was not happy about that since I had already been sitting in their office for so long. I firmly told here I wasn't going through the emergency room, if she wanted her admitted she could call one of the doctors on call and have them admit her. I just figured why should we have to go through emergency when we already had a diagnosis. I am also one who used to just do what they asked, but am learning to speak up for my kids and myself.

  3. I'm surprised the Child Life Specialist ( I assume your hospital has Child Life) wasn't there to advocate for your presence. We do at Children's Mercy. Good for you!

  4. Good for you, Linny, and good for Jubilee! (I hope that the surgery was a success.) It irks me, too, when 'professionals' fail to recognize the importance and value of what parents have to say with regards to their kids. You did great!

  5. So glad you stood up to that anesthesiologist! I have gone in with my kids when they went under anesthesia three times. I always explain about my kids being adopted, having some attachment issues/fears and have never had a problem going in. I am kind of surprised that anesthesiologist made such a big deal about it. I would have argued with him too. He obviously doesn't know much about kids who have abandonment, trauma, or attachment issues. That anesthesiologist also obviously has no clue what adoptive parents of kids with special needs can handle. We are not going to fall apart or freak out over the smallest things even if our kids eyeballs do roll around. My favorite part of going into the operating room is the awesome fashion suit, hat, and booties one gets to wear in there. Too bad you didn't get a picture in that for the blog. : )

  6. Way to go Linny!! Thank you for sharing! Your picture of grace while standing firm is just what this Momma needed (I tend to forget the grace and maybe add a bit of snark, unfortunately!) Praying sweet Jubilee is feeling well and much wisdom was gained from this surgery!

  7. Oh my goodness you have to hear about our recent experience! Our sweet gal Analina had her spinal cord repaired on Monday. I made it clear I was coming back to the room for her sedation. The young student tried slamming the mask on her face while she screamed away. The much wiser Doctor threw the mask off and yelled at the young doctor "This is NOT how we are doing this today! We are NOT doing it like this!" She held the tube up near her mouth and allowed her to simply breath the gas in. It worked perfect and as I left the room the whole room was silent and was giving sideways glances at the guy that got yelled at. God took care of my sweet baby girl!

  8. So sorry to hear of your experience with the anesthesiologist. We have 4 adopted treasures. Our 2 boys have cleft lip/ palates. The youngest Joshua is autistic and non-verbal at 7. Both boys had recent surgeries and we had such a different experience than you discribed. I gave Joshua a piggyback ride into the OR after we had shown him the mask he would need to use and practiced breathing with it. I held him sang him to sleep and then left him in the hands of the MD's. The anesthesiologist came out to check on him in recovery. He said "I just want to say thanks and that watching you help put Joshua to sleep was amazing!" I am glad you stuck up for Jubilee and I hope more moms do so. We do know our kids best and to keep us away from them when they need us is just wrong! Hope Jubilee is doing well!

  9. You ROCK, Momma!
    Hug that peach of a girl for my Anna girl and me, please! Tell her we are sooo proud of her. And weather this is right or wrong, I'm happy she showed her spunk and screamed her head off! But not happy that she was so frightened.( If that make sense.). 🙂

    Love, hollym.:)

  10. Thank you thank you this could not come at a better time. I have had similar situations to be my kids advocate and like you I have learned to stay strong. Something just rises up in me and I can't hold back from fighting for them. I held my little boy when he was put under and I am so glad I did. Yes, it was uncomfortable and yes it made me cry, but thats normal and okay I am glad I was there period. I remember hearing all that blah blah statistic, study, oh this is best baloney when I went through my divorce and I kept saying I really don't care what they think is best for other kids these are mine, God entrusted them to me and I am going to protect them. I feel encouraged to deal with this recent situation so thanks Linny as always wise words to not conform.

  11. Good job being an advocate for your sweet daughter. A mom knows what she can handle and what her children need. When my little one needed to go to sleep for a procedure, they allowed me to go back and be with her. I was so glad to be there and hold her. I am a NICU RN and I am so on your side. Keep on doing what is best for your kiddos.

  12. Thank you for sharing this! I think God wanted me to read it. Our son is having an MRI on Friday under general anesthesia to check his heart and lungs – I think I need to advocate to be with him as he falls asleep….and if it isn't easy I will now know I am not alone.

  13. Praying that everything goes well for her…
    and GO MOM!! You are so right. My mom was an elementary school teacher and she told me that at some point she realized that you really have to fight for your kids, because no one else is going to.
    It's amazing how much tougher we get as we get older, isn't it? 🙂

  14. Good for you!!! Being a child that was terribly afraid of medical professionals, I understand how much some kids NEED their mommy with them and how much it helps (even if they're still screaming 😉 )

  15. Amen, Amen, AMEN! I have to work hard at defending the best interests of my family (luckily the situations are few and far between!) and not letting a professional or some other "well-meaning" person override my assessment of what's best for us. Congratulations on your victory!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>