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Big Kids = Big Joy

It’s been over a year since our biggest guy came home with his family for a visit.  And, of course, in the last year we’ve added two and so this time they were able to meet Vern and Birdie.

Since their arrival the time has been very sweet…and our Ty is actually not too fond of my picture taking the photos will be nil.  Oh well it is what it is. I keep telling him that when his kids come home someday, he will understand my need to take pics!

A couple of stories…Last night while eating dinner Birdie was having a bit of a rough time.  If she gets too hungry she is inconsolable.  Anyway, he just went over to her chair and scooped her up and snuggled her while resting her on his lap.  It made this momma smile as he ministered to his littlest sissy.

Earlier in the day Ty had asked the boys if they wanted to clean out he and Sarah’s car (for money) after the long road trip here. The boys excitedly ran out to help and he instantly turned to Vern, “Do you want to help too?”  Vern’s face lit up – he LOVES to help! So Vern was the designated “runner” or in this case, “wheeler”.

It was perfect!!  The boys would hand Vern things that needed to go into the house and he would turn his chair around and wheel whatever it was inside.  All four were paid generously by their oldest brother!  Sarah would like them to do it every week.  If only.

Ty has told me more than once that the reason we adopted so many more after we brought him home was because he was such an amazingly wonderful kid.  True story on both counts.  He was an amazingly wonderful kid to raise!!

Interesting, rather mind-boggling fact:  I had two really laid-back, extra mellow kids growing up.  Ty and Emma.  Crazy, but true.  And both live probably the most “unlaid-back, unmellow”  lives of anyone I know.  What is the deal with that?? Seriously?? I have shook my head more than once pondering it all.

And here’s from my heart:

Over the years I’ve had quite a few people ask what our grown kids think of us adding more to the family.

Want the truth?  We actually haven’t asked them!!

Dwight and I pray and add.  Our decision is not ever based on anyone (including our grown kids) approval.  Because friends, we answer to only one – the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  That’s it.  It’s not open to discussion.  And (maybe surprisingly for some) every time anyone has come home, all have accepted each one.  

At the risk of offending some of you:

Please remember that I actually don’t know your personal parenting style…so keep that in mind as you read these next few lines…because this is not intended to offend anyone…and as I said, I don’t know your personal style.  

But deciding to adopt or not adopt (or any other major family decision) should never be based on what kids think.  Parents should parent and make decisions based on scripture and what they believe the Lord is telling them (which will never contradict scripture!).  We’ve seen way too many homes be kid-run homes and that is ridiculous!!

What child has all the reasoning abilities, life experience and understanding of an adult? Not one. They’re called our children for a reason and we are to raise them under God’s direction.  Period.

I remember many, many, many years ago meeting someone who was about to make an enormous decision that would impact their entire family.  Do you know what the mom told me?  “We are letting our oldest son make the decision.”

WHAT??  The kid she was referring to was a 10 year old boy.  Really?? A 10 year old would make the decision determining the direction of an entire family?  Wow, wow, wow.  Just wow!

Friends, it’s not what God intended.  Sometimes parenting can get very convoluted with all the world’s input and some might consider it “old fashion” but God’s word boils down to this:

Love God.  Love others as much as you love yourself.  

And He says parents that your job is to lead the way!!

If we keep it that simple, the decisions we parents make will also be that simple as well.

No wonder the Lord gave us directions on how to parent…it just works best that way!!

If you have a kid run home, tell the Lord you were wrong, tell your kids you were wrong and change directions!

Life will get so much easier, happier, and joyful for all!

True story!!

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Lastly, nothing beats sitting around the island late at night telling old stories from when the bigs were little.

Very precious memories in the making, indeed!

 

16 thoughts on “Big Kids = Big Joy

  1. I love this. We are praying about taking our foster daughter (7months) older brother (18 months) We have 5 bios ages 21-13 and another almost adopted 4 year old. To the world we look crazy. My oldest worries about the future needs of our 2 now. Thanks for confirming what was already in my heart. The decision needs to be between my husband and myself and God!

    1. Yes Shanna. Just you two and the Lord making the decision. I understand the older kids concerns, but they are usually based in fear. The Lord *always* provides what is needed, so we can rest in peace with His plan being best!

    1. Thank you friend. He’s a great son! When my MS was so bad, he would help me walk everywhere…run around to my side of the van to help me get down (this is when Dw wasn’t there)…very tender and caring.

  2. This made me smile because it reminds me of a conversation with our social worker during our first adoption. During a home visit, I asked the social worker if she wanted to sit down alone with the children and talk with them about their views about the adoption (somewhere I read that SWs do that). She absolutely did not. She asked me, if my husband and I had decided to try for another biological child, would I ask the children what they thought about R and I going to our bedroom to try to make a baby. Haha! Nope, major decisions are made by parents.

  3. Love this Linny. I have mommas (and dads) in my office everyday who are letting their children run the show, because that’s what society is telling them is the correct way to parent. As, ahem, more experienced mommas we need to mentor and teach them that’s its ok to be the parent. And our children will be better off for it. Personally, it’s fun to have older kids who are thankful for that and recognize the dangers of such a child centered family. (Our older ones just sigh and say “Im going to be such a mean mom/dad”, hahaha)

    1. Laura,

      It’s actually scary some of the kid run homes we have seen! I am grateful for a wise Pediatrician who speaks truth into their patients parents lives!!

      It’s definitely hard work to un-break a long time habit, but so very worth it. If only parents understood that their home would have so much more peace if they would just be the parent(s)!!

      Love you friend!! xo

  4. Thank you so much for your post! It’s nice to hear that we are not alone in this thinking. And although we have been questioned by our teens on some decisions (which we welcome as it allows us to explain in more detail of our reasons), we work hard at allowing God to guide us in our decisions. Many people I know do not agree and it saddens me as it’s setting everyone up for a harder life ahead. And I’m SO happy Tyler came for a visit. What a gift to see Birdie and Vern. We got 6 glorious days over Christmas from our son. Warms a moms heart.

  5. Linny ,
    SPOT ON!!! I really think that our thought process’ have so been influenced by the world’s thoughts and values. Many of us – including the Church allow fear to be the basis of decisions instead of seeking Christ and your spouse. “A chord of 3 can not be easily broken”.
    We are of the same thinking and don’t feel like seeking permission, advice or counsel is part of our decision making process.
    THANK YOU for writing this well written post!
    Kim Zim.

    1. Thank you Kim for your encouraging words. We have been so concerned by so many kid run homes. Ultimately the child will not benefit from running the show as a kid. Life will be so much more complicated for him/her! Anyway, thank you again!

  6. Preach it! This is from the single girl with no kids to ask! Haha. I always give the best parenting advice. LOL! I laughed good naturedly at a friend who when she was becoming a social worker said to never, never, ever adopt out of birth order because it would be too damaging to the other kids. You family is really neat and I know since two of your older kids have choose adoption, what their thoughts are on it! I remember reading Abi saying, “That’s our boy” when God brought you tyler. And well, we all know Emma’s heart on the orphan!!!!

    1. I’m sure you have amazing parenting advice. Yes, that birth order thing!! There are some people so bogged-down by it…and we are proof that it can work!! You have a good memory remember what Abi said about Tyler. I’m very impressed. Very. Hugs from Phoenix!

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