Dw, Emma and I (Graham was at a friends for the night) sat around as I read aloud your comments sweet friends. We laughed at some of you, like Julie who thought we should buy Emmy some boxing gloves for her birthday. =)
Then there were bunches of you who wanted to line up behind Emma and throw in a little punch too, like: Mallory, Scrappy Quilter, stephanie, Jean, Kathy, inked33, Joy Portis, Laurel, Mr. Daddy, Sophie Neri, connie, Oatsvall Team, tigerdeus, and Shanti.
We really laughed when Just Me- The Champion thought that a taser would be the perfect solution. At your suggestion we ordered one off the internet today. j/k
We laughed our heads off as we read the story Kelly posted:
Our daughter Abby has a physical disability since she had brain surgery at 3. We have had to teach her from the very beginning how to handle questions from people. I didn’t realize how much we had prepared her until about a year after her surgery and we were on her make a wish trip to Disney. We were actually visiting Universal that day, and it was VERY hot, and being with a make a wish kid we got to skip the line and go to straight to the front of a ride. The people had obviously been waiting a long time, and the man who was first in line was none to pleased. You can’t see her disability unless she is walking, etc. and she was 4 and in a stroller. He started cursing loudly and talking about how unfair it was that we got to cut because their was nothing wrong with anybody in our group. My tiny little 4 yo stood up, put her good hand on her hip and said (with speech difficulty – couldn’t say r), “I am on my make a wish twip. I had bwain surgery and work real hard for my body to work. My bwain is bwoken, but yours is just mean and wude – and you shouldn’t say those words.” The rest of the line clapped, but that man turned bright red, and had to walk away. We saw him in the park later and he apologized.
Go Abby!!!
We have had many comments over the years since we have been adopting internationally for the last 24 years….and most of the times we consider the tone or attitude behind the question.
Years ago when Dw was in seminary we were visiting a church. There was a lady there who had cut Dw’s hair (yeah, I know, he used to have some!) the previous week. While cutting his hair he had mentioned that 2 of our 3 children were adopted. So that Sunday she came up to me and in front of Abigail, Tyler and Autumn said, “Your husband said that 2 of your 3 are adopted. I can tell he is (pointing her finger in Ty’s face) but which one of the others is. I was so stinkin’ ticked at her rudeness that I said, “Funny, I can’t remember.” She said, “Come on, which one?” I said again, “I really can’t remember.” She persisted about 3 more times before she got the clue that I was not divulging any information. I think it showed my kids that I defended them (politely) and that no one had the right to ask such a rude question.
We hear regularly: “Are Elizabeth and Elijah real brother and sister?” And we always say, “They are now!” Some folks still want to know and we just ignore them. =)
I got a big kick out of Nancy’s response: Hmm…how about leaning over sympathetically to the wife and saying with compassion, “Alzheimer’s?” with a sweet concerned smile on your face?
Comforting and absolutely amazing how many of you have kids with special needs. You guys are our heroes…..thank you for sharing your thoughts. They were all so thought provoking.
Elaine, I would have been right beside you wanting to bop the lady in Target….gracious you are my hero to have had such self-control. Grrrrr…..
But I think my all-time favorite response was from Amy Louise:
I work with students with special needs. We talk about comments people make and how they can be downright rude. One of my students had this suggestion,” It’s just so hard to figure people out from their looks. You have a perfect looking mouth and just said one of the ugliest things I’ve ever heard.”
In my book…….Perfectly spoken by a young one with special needs!!!
Linny, thank you for sharing this with us! Both my husband and I follow your blog and your post truly made us stop and think about our words and actions. It also reminded us to talk about this issue with our children to teach them how to have hearts open to everyone and seeing other people for who they are and not a disability. I am praying for that man and that he seriously regretted his words afterwards. Although the tazer was a great idea! LOL!
My closet to my age cousin is deaf. People who have known him his entire life will start yelling to talk to him. Um…once again…he is deaf. Can't hear you. Even if you yell like a fool. He's still deaf. I have another cousin who is a little person and strangers will point, stare and talk about him in front of him. He is NOT deaf. People just don't think.
My closet to my age cousin is deaf. People who have known him his entire life will start yelling to talk to him. Um…once again…he is deaf. Can't hear you. Even if you yell like a fool. He's still deaf. I have another cousin who is a little person and strangers will point, stare and talk about him in front of him. He is NOT deaf. People just don't think.
A friend who is a teacher had a student make a remark about another student who was struggling to master something. My friend's responded with "we all have our struggles. Some of us struggle with things on the outside that everyone can see and some of us have struggles on the inside." The rude student sure closed their mouth fast!
"If you do not have anyting nice to say do not say anything at all." I guess these adults were not taught this kind little quote when they were young.
We have been spoken against in an ill manner here in Uganda–for the sake of my children's sweet little ears, I am so glad that these words have been spoken in the native tongue, therefore we have not understood what was said. However, with that said, "it is due time to wipe the dust off of our feet and move on."
So sad that people are hurting so much in their hearts that they have to let the garbage spill out into the lives of little children .
Love from this family to your's,
Summer
Love little Abby's response. And the last one. I think any response overflowing with compassion and mercy would please the Lord.
Off the subject… I think the "Jubilee Time" clock on your sidebar needs to be set to MST now. WOOOHOOO!
I'm going to try to keep these various comments in my brain for future reference. I usually don't think of anything appropriate to say until 1/2 hour later…doh!
My precious Mom has Alzheimer's as do all the other residents in her assisted living facility. Their faces light up when a child enters their living room, especially I like to think when my adopted Ch*nese granddaughter visits them . It is amazing to watch them come to life. I have never heard or seen them be cruel to children although I am sure there are exceptions. Please be careful, readers, not to make cruel generalizations about a group of special human beings who don't particularly like what life has dealt them. I have tears in my eyes as I write this. I love you Mom.
I agree with you, Linny, that the last comment you mentioned is just perfect.
It is wonderful to read all these comments on this topic! I oftentimes find myself SPEECHLESS when presented with RUDE questions about our diverse family…I oftentimes think of the COMEBACK later and WISH I could have said it! I am doing better at having one ready that is BOTH polite and forthcoming to let the RUDE person KNOW they are over stepping bounds!!!
ACK!
haha, aw, I don't know this Abby, but I love her!!!
I'm sorry you guys get rude comments. Because I have no kids (good thing; I'm sixteen) and no one in my family has special needs (physically anyway), I guess I thought that people were mature enough these days to not make comments like that.
I suppose I'm quite naive that way.
How sad that people can't be mature enough to think correctly and with acceptance, let alone keep their comments to themselves.
Jane,
I am sorry if the Alzheimer comments hurt. I am sure those who wrote them never thought about that angle. Please forgive.
I am thankful that your Mom has not had any moments that her mouth has brought others pain. I have heard it both ways. Some mouths have opened up and spewed all kinds of pain….and I always wonder if its just the heart revealing itself. Who knows?
It has always made me think that I want to keep my heart pure, so should I ever end up with a health situation that makes my mouth operate without reason, it would still only spew good things…
Obviously your mom has a sweet heart…and I am thankful that you opened up our eyes to that side as well…
Hugs from Colorado…
As the mom of a "different" looking family- very short, chubby, single Anglo women with two six foot plus African American sons, we are often subject to looks and occasionally a comment or two (even from my own mother!). I pray daily for grace and wisdom to respond to people's looks and comments, but sometimes they really hurt. I loved the little one's thought about ugly things coming out of people's mouths. So true!
As far as the Alzheimer's thing, I have a dear, dear friend, an eighty year old man, who was one of the kindest, sweetest, caring people I have ever known. He and his wife have been married over fifty years and have always had a really special relationship. In 2006, he was diagnosed with Alzheimers, and it has been so, so hard. The person he was, and the person he is now are not at all the same. It's horrible for him and probably even more so for his wife.I love them dearly and it breaks my heart to watch the journey they are having to travel.
Although our Korean adopted children do not have any specific disabilities, we have had some very bizarre comments from people. Some are hilarious:
When we received our first son who was just a baby…
"Will you teach him to speak English?"
and my all time favorite…
"DOES HE BABBLE WITH AN ACCENT?"
Oh my, we still laugh about that one! 😀
These 2 came from well meaning people who were just uninformed. So responding was easy and joyful.
We have had some comments from mean spirited people as well. Like "Where'd you get THAT?" But I always try to remember that these people too are just uninformed (mostly about God's Love) so I try to respond in a way that would please Him and set a good example for my children. After all, they are ALWAYS watching!
Someday my Mama Bear-side will probably just pop out at one of the nasty comments, but my first choice will always be to teach my children about love and forgiveness.
Linny I read this last night and was too tired to respond. I love what Abby said. It's so difficult when there are others around who open their mouths and speak before they think isn't it. I think that's why we always need to be on guard with our tongue. It might not be a child with special needs we say a negative remark too, however how many times do we say a negative remark to someone who is driving too slow, to a waitress who served us bad food, etc. Oh that I would always remember this post and watch my tongue!! hugs and love
Great responses! I love hearing what others would do or say! Thanks for sharing!!
Oh my, I LOVE this post! As a mom of a child with a very noticable SN I love when other parents can help each other through things.
I haven't had time to read the other posts yet but I'm going now.
Awww… thanks for posting Abby's comment. We try really hard to help other hemi parents (our kids have half a brain due to surgery) and its nice to help someone else out too.
Your daughter has a strong support system in her home, and that is all a child needs to become independent regardless of their special needs, or their regular needs.
Happy New Year Linn, to You and Your Beautifully, Perfectly, Wonderfully Made Family!
With Much Love and Continued Prayers…
Something I can't help but giggle about at times when ignorant (MEAN) people say ugly things about my babies with me, I literally think, "Honey, we can't fix stupid!" I've made a mistake once and even said it outloud while giggling. My kids got a huge laugh and nodded and we left.
The older my "babies" become the more I see how truly gifted they are with their SNs and because of the SNs. Oh, what perfectness is weaved into each one!
I will never never never understand people, I try to, I try to understand why people especially those who profess to be Christians, want to gossip and slander and ask questions with non-pure intentions, but I just can't.